So fake spring has come to an end in Minnesota, bringing the much beloved winter back into our lives. There is this woman in my Schools and Society class from California, and one day she was chatting about how nice it was that spring was finally here. Part of me - the sadistic part - wanted to let her continue raving about the weather which would surely only get better from here on out. Unfortunately, I felt it was my duty to tell her the truth about Fake Spring.
You see, in Minnesota, the snow melts sometime around mid-March. The temperature rises to about 45 degrees F, and Minnesotans rejoice, shedding their heavy boots and fluffy winter coats. Some of us, myself included, stop wearing coats altogether. The damp and squishy ground is sufficiently disgusting so as to raise our spirits, and we began chatting with our fellow Minnesotans about the "heat wave". Many men even chose to begin wearing shorts. This is spring weather.
The thing that a true Minnesotan knows that the newcomers do not know, however, is that this is Fake Spring. The snow will melt, the sun will come out, and you may even sweat from walking outside in pants and a long sleeve shirt. A real Minnesotan knows that it is not time to pack away the winter gear just yet. A true Minnesotan knows that sometime in beginning to mid April, winter will return.
A delightful example of this: Last week I drove my car with the windows down, soaking up vitamin D (hoping to make up for the deficiency from the last 900 months or so) and feeling rather warm in a t-shirt and jeans. Today, April 1st, it is snowing. To be fair, I was a little off when trying to tell this woman in my class about Fake Spring. It actually began last night, which was technically still March. Oops.
The point is, Minnesotans know to enjoy this tease from Mother Nature. She may think she is playing a nasty joke on us, but we make the best of it. Naturally there will be some grumbling later today about the weather, but we secretly love it. If you are from Minnesota, you can deny it all you want, but I know you love the end of Fake Spring, the return of winter, and the masochistic wait for real spring.
Anyway, if you are here, happy back to winter, and if you are somewhere warm, I don't want to hear about it. I am going to enjoy my slushy white world where things have just begun to come back to life, but have been brutally frozen to death by cruel Mother Nature.
That's the other thing, see? Fake Spring lures the plants and animals out of hibernation, then ambushes them with sleet and snow, killing a good chunk of the gardens and bugs. Also, it drives a lot of bugs into the house. This means that my family will have to begin vacuuming the ceiling for those Asian beetles that look like ladybugs. These things look adorable and are supposedly good luck and all, but they just stream in through the siding and itty bitty cracks in the window, then our ceiling becomes a giant meet and greet for these things. Occasionally a box elder bug joins the fun.
Beetle #1: Hey, Sue! Isn't it great to get out of the cold and walk around upside down on this giant white surface?
Sue the Ladybug: Why yes! It sure is! That Fake Spring fools me every year! Hey look! It's Bob and Mike and Lois and Allie and Marcus and Greg and Tina!
Beetle #1: Let's all go party over by the light. We should probably just congregate in a small area and move around to make it look like we are planning something.
Sue the Ladybug: Hello Brett the Box Elder Bug! Would you like to join us?
Brett: No think you. Me and my buddies are going to crawl up into beds and nestle into blankets to scare the bejeezus out of the people that live here. Nothing's funner than seeing them scream when we're the first thing they see in the morning or when we get under the covers then crawl on their bare skin while they try to sleep!
So yeah. I am looking forward to vacuuming up Sue and Brett and Company, but not as much as I am looking forward to driving on the slippery roads again!
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