All Kinds of Crazy

Are you afraid when you see bees?*

I’ve been following my friend’s blog rather closely lately, and she has been writing about her fears. This got me to thinking about my fears, and I’ve come to a perplexing conclusion. While Lisa’s fears seem to be fairly normal and general, I have very – VERY – specific fears.

Sometimes in the kitchen I fear I will accidentally stab myself or drop or fall on a knife, and I will be not injured enough where I feel like I should call an ambulance, but too injured to drive myself, and I will have to go downstairs and ask my neighbor to drive me to the ER. And what if he isn’t home? How do I make the judgment call on when to call the ambulance? The hospital really isn’t that far away. Should I walk there with a knife sticking out of my arm or my finger holding on by a thread? I’d probably get there just as fast as if an ambulance came to get me. What would I do?

I also worry that I will injure myself doing something stupid on a Friday night, and no one will know that I am hurt on the floor until Monday morning. You are probably thinking that this scenario is not very likely, but if you know me, just think about it for a moment. First of all, I climb on stuff, balance on things, and crawl over whatever is in my way in order to get a job done. I crawl on the counter to get to the top shelf of the kitchen cupboards. I crawl on my desk – over the cup of pens, pencils, scissors, etc. to get to the storage cupboard in the office. I’ll balance between a chair and a shelf to reach something up high. 

In fact, I should be just as worried about hurting myself after work on a Friday and having the students find me in a heap on Monday morning! The fact that the desk is wobbly and I am in a skirt does not stop me from climbing up there when no one is around.

Besides that, I am just a clumsy person. I fell into the shower the other day. I was just trying to climb over the tub wall and into the shower, but I somehow ended up falling into the shower, getting my leg caught on the metal lip of the shower door. To top it all off, the water was hotter than what I would consider comfortable. I didn’t even trip on anything! I don’t know how that happened!

Point is, the likelihood of me getting hurt and no one finding me for days seems perfectly plausible.

Also, because I am an adult who has perfectly rational, reasonable, and adult-like fears, I worry that something is lurking beneath the bed, behind the couch, or in the closet. I cannot sleep if there are any closet doors open in the house. Really, I prefer all drawers to be closed, as well. 

I can't sleep if my feet are hanging off the edge of the bed because something might eat them or just jump up and bite them clean off at the ankles. Sometimes I even need my feet completely covered by a blanket to help me get to sleep. It isn't as if a sheet could really stop something from biting my feet off, but it makes me feel better.

Since I was a child, I’ve had a reoccurring nightmare where I am minding my own business at home at night and I look out the window. Outside is the face of a sinister looking, grinning man with a mustache and a bowler hat. For this reason, I tend to close the blinds at night when I am by myself.

See what I mean? I have very specific fears. I am not afraid of things like heights or spiders or normal things. Perhaps I need psychiatric evaluation.  No, I definitely need psychiatric evaluation, but perhaps it is due to the above mentioned fears. Otherwise, I’ve got plenty of other crazy on the table that should qualify me.

*That's for you, Linnea.