Infomercials: Bringing You a Better Life (Part #1)

Today I came home from work and fed the cat. With the intent of going out for a walk later (which I did do), I sat on the couch eating ice cream straight out of the container and flipping through primetime reruns while I waited for Squeaky to finish her dinner. I lead a super exciting life.

So there I was on the couch, minding my own business, using the tablespoon to dig out the pieces of chocolate, when this commercial came on:

For a moment, I was confused. Last time I checked, I didn't have a soft core porn channel on my cable plan. But then I realized it was an infomercial for a fitness workout. *

Now, I am completely sold on this product, but I just have a few clarifying questions.

1. If I lose 25 inches on my waist, where will it go?
2. Will I look as attractive all sweaty in similar workout clothes?
3. I could see how this would be fun for someone who is already in shape and already pretty sexy. How is this fun for someone like me who is terribly out of shape and is very much the opposite of sexy?
4. Please provide what you believe the definition of  "fun" to be.
5. Must I buy a stripper pole?
6. I see that you can try your stripper pole - sorry. My apologies! - the "Flirty Fitness pole" for a low, low price of $1. How many injuries and/or deaths have resulted from people improperly installing the poll and then using it? 
7. How much will the "Flirty Fitness pole" actually cost me?
8. Will I be ready to work in a strip club after mastering this workout?
9. Once I become a successful stripper, what percentage of my tips must I send to the good folks at flirtygirlfitness?
10. What if I have absolutely no coordination? Will I still look sexy doing this work out?
11. Where can I get more sexy friends to do this work out video with me?
12.  Does this workout package include something like a small knife or scoop for any loved ones or friends to gauge their eyes out should they walk in on me attempting these "sexy" moves?

Other than those above questions, though, I am completely sold. I can't wait for my $40 dollar value that I only paid the amazingly low price of $9.99 for comes in the mail! I'll be sexy and flirty in a matter of weeks!

*I should mention that I am a huge fan of infomercials. I have spent many a Sunday morning in high school and during undergrad watching - ahem - excuse me - gaining information about the miraculous products including Set it and Forget it Rotisserie, BareMinerals or something, and the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer (my personal all time favorite).