Whomp Whomp

As an adult who pays bills and lives alone, I am allowed to have popcorn for second dinner. Sometimes I even have popcorn for first dinner. And this is alright because I am a full-blown, bill paying, taxes paying, member of society, adult.

Tonight I decided I wanted popcorn for second dinner, so I put the butter in the microwave and set up the popcorn popper. After the first few kernels popped into the bowl, I deemed the entire situation safe, and went to go catch the television show I was watching. Once the popcorn popping sound had ceased, I returned to the kitchen.

This is what I found:

Whomp Whomp.

Dinosaur, Teddy, Robot

I love playing boardgames, and lucky for me, this weekend was Memorial Day Weekend in the good old U. S. of A. This means that my family and the Sturm family drove up to the cabin in Wisconsin. Due to the persistent rain and storms, we spent quite a bit of our time inside the cabin. Since there is no television at the cabin (to be clear, there is a TV and a bunch of DVDs), and the quarters are relatively close, a good way to pass the time is by playing board games. Luckily, as I mentioned before, I love boardgames.

This weekend, we played Bananagrams, which is one of my favorites. Then we played a game the Sturm family owns and Martin insisted we play called "Word Power". Initially, I found the game to be overly complicated and rather stressful. The second time we played, however, I knew the rules so I didn't find it nearly as complicated. Actually, the rules are rather simple. Unfortunately for the game, it was still stressful and a little dull, but only because it was so slow moving. It was a game of synonyms and antonyms, but I did not always agree with the answers, and I don't like betting! I am no good at it!

Perhaps with more practice, I will become less anxious and irritated and enjoy playing the game more. Based on other games I enjoy, and just the fact that I like words, all signs point to me really liking Word Power.

This morning, I played Scrabble Sentence Game for Juniors with my mom and grandma. Mom and Grandma were not terribly interested in the game once it got to the part I personally find the most interesting - when adding words to sentences becomes more difficult. They scoffed at silly, albeit grammatically correct, sentence options and refused to play them. They also refused to make inappropriate sentences. This means that sentences such as Zebras are high and want pot. Maria, a pink farmer cat, rides to school with Paul's brown broom. or John's hot pig ate on her hat for she is tall.  Jill hit a witch. etc. etc. etc.

Again, I will state that I very much enjoy playing boardgames with my family and my friends. It always seems that someone comes up with ridiculous ideas, argues stupid points, or tries to impose new rules or disregard the rules already in place. This often leads to a lot of loud talking at each other, some yelling, outrageous suggestions, and people gesticulating wildly.

Below is a clip from the BBC show "Outnumbered" about a family with some very bright, outspoken, and hilarious children. This youtube clip is a compilation of times the family played boardgames during series 2. It reminds me a little bit of when I play boardgames with people.

Anyone up for a game of "Dinosaur, Teddy, Robot"?

Infomercials: Bringing You a Better Life (Part #1)

Today I came home from work and fed the cat. With the intent of going out for a walk later (which I did do), I sat on the couch eating ice cream straight out of the container and flipping through primetime reruns while I waited for Squeaky to finish her dinner. I lead a super exciting life.

So there I was on the couch, minding my own business, using the tablespoon to dig out the pieces of chocolate, when this commercial came on:

For a moment, I was confused. Last time I checked, I didn't have a soft core porn channel on my cable plan. But then I realized it was an infomercial for a fitness workout. *

Now, I am completely sold on this product, but I just have a few clarifying questions.

1. If I lose 25 inches on my waist, where will it go?
2. Will I look as attractive all sweaty in similar workout clothes?
3. I could see how this would be fun for someone who is already in shape and already pretty sexy. How is this fun for someone like me who is terribly out of shape and is very much the opposite of sexy?
4. Please provide what you believe the definition of  "fun" to be.
5. Must I buy a stripper pole?
6. I see that you can try your stripper pole - sorry. My apologies! - the "Flirty Fitness pole" for a low, low price of $1. How many injuries and/or deaths have resulted from people improperly installing the poll and then using it? 
7. How much will the "Flirty Fitness pole" actually cost me?
8. Will I be ready to work in a strip club after mastering this workout?
9. Once I become a successful stripper, what percentage of my tips must I send to the good folks at flirtygirlfitness?
10. What if I have absolutely no coordination? Will I still look sexy doing this work out?
11. Where can I get more sexy friends to do this work out video with me?
12.  Does this workout package include something like a small knife or scoop for any loved ones or friends to gauge their eyes out should they walk in on me attempting these "sexy" moves?

Other than those above questions, though, I am completely sold. I can't wait for my $40 dollar value that I only paid the amazingly low price of $9.99 for comes in the mail! I'll be sexy and flirty in a matter of weeks!

*I should mention that I am a huge fan of infomercials. I have spent many a Sunday morning in high school and during undergrad watching - ahem - excuse me - gaining information about the miraculous products including Set it and Forget it Rotisserie, BareMinerals or something, and the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer (my personal all time favorite).

Because I'm Awesome (#3)

Last night I decided to have a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats in lieu of my usual half pint of ludicrously decadent ice cream. It seems a strange choice to be made voluntarily, I know, but I was really craving those oat-bunches in the cereal. You know they're the best part!

So I go into the kitchen, singing a song to myself quietly - but mostly singing nonsense syllables since I don't know the words - and open the cupboard with the plates and bowls. I choose the orange bowl, take it out, and close the cupboard, then walk over to the shelf to get the honey bunches of oats and pour a healthy sized serving into the bowl. Then I got a tablespoon out, re-evaluated my spoon choice, and decided on a teaspoon instead. Then I went to the fridge, grabbed the milk, and set it on the counter.

This is a riveting story, I know.

I looked at the milk and panicked. Some of the milk was missing! The first thought that popped into my head was, "Who has been drinking the milk?" When I remembered a millisecond later that I live alone and my cat does not have opposable thumbs, I thought rather loudly in my head, "WHO HAS BEEN IN MY APARTMENT?" My heart was beating a little harder. I felt the panic setting in.

Then I remembered that I had had a glass of milk when I got home. I opened the milk. I drank the milk. There was no evidence that someone had been in the apartment without my knowledge, and certainly no evidence that it was a mustached man with an evil grin wearing a bowler hat (as mentioned in my post about perfectly rational, adult fears) had gotten into my home while I was gone.

This whole ordeal probably happened within one second, but it was a pretty intense emotional experience. Maybe I should have stayed with ice cream.

*Vote on the Disney Princess poll. Even if you are male, if you HAD to be a Disney Princess, which would you be?*

Instant Mood Lifters

Lisa and I are currently having an instant message conversation about things that are instant mood lifters. After a bad day, it can sometimes be hard to get out of that funk. That's when you need a go-to list of things to do or look at that will immediately make you feel better and possibly eliminate all negative feelings all together

Below is the list that we have compiled.

1. Blowing bubbles
2. Hula hoops
3. Kittens (especially at the tiny, fluffy, itty-bitty stage)
4. Baby pandas Sneezing
5.  Decadent ice cream to replace a meal - This could be eating a pint of Brownie Batter ice cream for dinner or going out for an extravagant cheesecake and red velvet frozen yogurt sundae for lunch
6. Penguins getting tickled
7. Buying fresh flowers for yourself just because
8. A giant bowl of over-buttered popcorn
9. Laughing babies 
10. A nice, hot shower
11. A good night's sleep
12. Listening to a favorite song really loudly while dancing around like a maniac and singing along at the top of your lungs
13. A hug from a child who says "Thank you", "You're the best!", or "I love you!" 

Now certainly there are more things in life that have the power to make people happier right away. Also, people may have different instant mood lifters than me, I suppose. Perhaps laughing babies make me smile, but they simply infuriate you. Who knows? You do.

What instantly lifts your mood?

*Vote on the Disney Princess poll. Even if you are male, if you HAD to be a Disney Princess, which would you be?*

9 Reasons a Cat is a Better Pet than a Hermit Crab

 

VS

1. Cats respond to their names. Have you ever seen a hermit crab that responds to its name?
2. Hermit crabs do not talk to their owners, but cats can have very animated "conversations" with people. Besides the vocalization of their thoughts, needs, and wants, cats have very expressive body language.
3. A cat will play with you. You can dangle string, feathers, or a plastic rodent, and if the cat is in the mood to play, they will go nuts! Hermit crabs walk around their cages. That's about it.
4. Cats can do cool flips and jumps. Again, hermit crabs walk around in their cage.
5. A cat can snuggle with you at night, but if you slept with your hermit crab, you would probably roll over on it, crushing it with the weight of your body. Plus it might pinch you with its little claws and poop in the bed.
6. Many cats are very intelligent and can even solve problems or little puzzles. Hermit crabs are not particularly known for their intelligence.
7. Cats were worshiped as deities in ancient Egypt. No known civilizations or societies that we know of worship or bow down before the hermit crab.
8. A cat will keep your lap warm in the evening as you read your book or do your crossword puzzle and drink tea. You'd need at least 75 hermit crabs to cover your lap, and even then I don't know that it would actually keep you warm. Besides that, having 75 hermit crabs in my lap might give me the heeby-jeebies.
9. I have never seen a hermit crab act happy to see someone. My cat, Squeaky, greets me at the door when I come home, happy to see me.

Results of the "30 Rock Character Survey"

Quite a while ago, the 30 Rock character survey was posted. The poll has been closed for a couple of days now, but I haven't had the chance to come and update the blog and the survey on the blog.

If you read my crazy ramblings every once and a while, you may have read this post where I wonder if I am Liz Lemon. So then, I asked you folks:

If you were a character from "30 Rock" you'd fancy yourself most like:

Liz Lemon	(75%)
Jack Donaghy	(25%)
Tracy Jordan	(0%)
Jenna Maroney	(0%)
Kenneth Parcell	(0%)
Toofer Spurlock	(0%)
Frank Rossitano	(0%)

Obviously, my readers are much like me (in that they are awesome). And we are all like Liz Lemon. And Liz Lemon is kind of like the actor who plays her, Tina Fey. And Tina Fey is amazingly awesome. Therefore, most of the people that read my crazy ramblings and vote on my random surveys are amazingly awesome. I took deductive logic in undergrad. I know what I am talking about.

Some of you think you are like Jack Donaghy. Why is that? What qualities do you possess that make you like the Irish-American, right wing bossman?

Apparently we are all Jacks or Lizzes (Lizs? Lizes?), though, because no one chose the other characters. Unless perhaps no one chose the other characters because they identify more with one that was not listed. Or perhaps they want to be amazingly awesome and so chose Jack or Liz because those are the two most awesome characters. Or maybe some of you don't watch the show, and you just recognized those names.

There are probably other possibilities, as well.