Earlier today I took off my jeans to take a shower. After my shower, I put the same jeans on with clean underwear and a clean top. I then proceeded to go about my business for the rest of the day.
This evening at Target while getting cat litter, face soap, and ogling the Wii, I felt something fall on my foot. My dirty underwear from that morning had been in my pant leg all day. Totally embarrassed, I scooped it up and shoved it in my coat pocket. I then spent a couple of minutes panicking, thinking other people would think I was shoplifting and how mortifying it would be to be searched by security, only to reveal a pair of dirty underwear.
I'm pretty awesome.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My Dream Analysis
Because I have pretty vivid dreams which I tend to remember upon re-entering the conscious "real" world, and because I often share these dreams with Mr. Sturm, he decided to help me interpret these nighttime visions and insights. For Valentine's Day, Mr. Sturm bought me "The Dream Dictionary From A to Z: The ultimate a-z to interpret the secrets of your dreams" by Theresa Cheung.
Based on my dream from this morning, I had to look up several different categories including:
Cats
Parents
Home
Storm
Vegetables
Skyscraper
Death/Killing/Assassination
Now, I am not going to detail what happened in the dream. You just get the list of what I looked up, and the following paragraphs concerning the dictionary's analysis of my dream. Using this information, you will see that clearly I am insane and in need of psychological help, but you can also use this as an imagination exercise where you try to decide what actually happened in my dream.
Analysis:
I feel like I need to protect and nurture my feminine sexuality, as well as creativity and power. Somehow, I feel that this is threatened and I must hide and protect it. I seek to gain independence from internalized values, and I feel that authority figures are crushing my creativity and freedom. I worry that my actions have negative consequences on others. I am aware of different facets of my personality and am comfortable exploring and moving from one part of myself to another. Either I feel nourished and a sense of fertility, or I need more vitamins in my diet and my body is begging me to eat more vegetables. Also, there is indication that I have deep, unresolved emotional and psychological health in my waking life.
Unsurprisingly, folks, it turns out I might be crazy.
Based on my dream from this morning, I had to look up several different categories including:
Cats
Parents
Home
Storm
Vegetables
Skyscraper
Death/Killing/Assassination
Now, I am not going to detail what happened in the dream. You just get the list of what I looked up, and the following paragraphs concerning the dictionary's analysis of my dream. Using this information, you will see that clearly I am insane and in need of psychological help, but you can also use this as an imagination exercise where you try to decide what actually happened in my dream.
Analysis:
I feel like I need to protect and nurture my feminine sexuality, as well as creativity and power. Somehow, I feel that this is threatened and I must hide and protect it. I seek to gain independence from internalized values, and I feel that authority figures are crushing my creativity and freedom. I worry that my actions have negative consequences on others. I am aware of different facets of my personality and am comfortable exploring and moving from one part of myself to another. Either I feel nourished and a sense of fertility, or I need more vitamins in my diet and my body is begging me to eat more vegetables. Also, there is indication that I have deep, unresolved emotional and psychological health in my waking life.
Unsurprisingly, folks, it turns out I might be crazy.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Special Blend of Eyes and Ears
The Similac Baby Formula commercial that keeps coming up on Hulu makes me laugh. Let us pretend we aren't disturbed that something about my viewing and internet habits indicate that I have a baby, which is why they keep advertising baby formula.
The commercial boasts that Similac has a special "eye and ear blend". Now, I know that the good folks over at Similac probably mean that their formula contains vitamins and minerals that help the development of a baby's eyes and ears, but that is not how it sounds.
I imagine a baby formula made up of a special blend of eyes and ears. Nothing better for baby than powdered eyes and ears mixed with baby formula! Someone (FDA?) should probably go inspect their plant and make sure that I am wrong.
The commercial boasts that Similac has a special "eye and ear blend". Now, I know that the good folks over at Similac probably mean that their formula contains vitamins and minerals that help the development of a baby's eyes and ears, but that is not how it sounds.
I imagine a baby formula made up of a special blend of eyes and ears. Nothing better for baby than powdered eyes and ears mixed with baby formula! Someone (FDA?) should probably go inspect their plant and make sure that I am wrong.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I Live With My Cat
Squeaky, my cat, prances around my apartment like she owns the place. Even though I pay the rent with the money I earn at my place of employment, she seems to think she is the boss. When I come home from a grueling 8-15 1/2 hour day at work and school, I sometimes come home to insistent, not-so-polite demands from a seven pound little fluff ball.
And she can be very persuasive.
On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off.
This is because I am crazy. It never works.
Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9
Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.
And she can be very persuasive.
On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off.
This is because I am crazy. It never works.
Evidence this is my apartment | Evidence this is Squeaky’s apartment and I am her slave |
· I pay the bills. · There are pieces of furniture obviously intended for human beings in this house. · There is slightly more human food than cat food available. · The cat does not have keys to get in and out. · My stuff is everywhere. | · I feed the cat before I feed myself. If this is not done in the proper order, I get yelled at. · The cat decides when I should wake up. · The cat can sit or sleep on my furniture. I am not allowed to sit on hers. · She is here all the time, while I am gone probably more than I am here. · There are cat toys everywhere. · The cat gets the best seat in the house. · When sleeping, I sometimes hesitate to roll-over for fear of disturbing the cat sleeping on me. · The cat decides when we have conversations. · The cat decides when she shall be entertained and when I shall go about my otherwise dull existence. |
Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9
Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.
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