Things Kids Said To Me Today

I went on a field trip today with my summer students to Como Zoo, and we spent a long time on the bus. After work, I visited with some of my school-year students. I heard some very interesting things today.

"Teacher! Look at all those people laying down!" (He was pointing out the bus at a cemetery.)

"You're a teacher, but even when you aren't at school you are being good!"

"I saw you first, right? I saw you first so I win, right?"

"How long did it take you to walk here?" (As they greeted me at my car door)

"I didn't recognize you at first because you looked old and blonde. Why did you look old and blonde?"

I have no idea why I looked old and blonde as I am neither old, nor anywhere close to blonde, but that's alright.

The Perils of Being a Grasshopper

Yesterday, while sitting on the edge of the pool, I saw a grasshopper struggling to stay afloat in the water. First, since Mr. Sturm was closer, I asked him to remove it. When it became clear that Mr. Sturm would have no part of playing lifeguard to the insects I spotted in the pool, I went in to get it myself.

I easily scooped out the little grasshopper, letting the excess pool water drip out from between my fingers. Then, I set the little guy on the edge of the pool, and verbally instructed him to hop away. Mr. Sturm said that I needed to give him a moment to dry off before he could hop, but I was determined this grasshopper would not hop right back into the pool the moment I turned my back. Thinking I was acting in the best interest of the grasshopper, I started tapping the ground behind the grasshopper, causing him to hop, hop, hop towards the woods. Once out of my arm's reach, I decided my work was done, and smiled at this grasshopper, certain it was grateful I had helped save its life.

Then, a bird swooped through the air, and, without even stopping to touch the ground, grabbed the little grasshopper and flew away, probably to devour him headfirst. Needless to say, my self-satisfied grin from saving the grasshopper turned to a jaw-dropped, "Wha-at? Whoa! Did you see that?"

Later, I rescued a beetle. My nervous eyes scoured the sky as the beetle scuttled off, but, smaller and perhaps a bit smarter, the beetle hid in the cracks between the bricks.

Seven Picture Books You'll Love, Too

Parents, guardians, older brothers and sisters, babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors should all read to the children in their lives.

Do you have children you need to read to, but can't find a book to interest them and yourself? While I don't have children, I am a teacher in an elementary school. There are definitely books or stories I enjoy more than my students, and the other way around. I am going to try to compile a list here, however, that both adults and children, in my, albeit somewhat short, experience have enjoyed.

7 Picture Books:

1. Two Bad Ants, by Chris Van Allsburg          This adorable and story about two naughty ants who go on an adventure is not only funny, but makes you think. Told from the perspective of the "bad ants" inside a human home, it is fun to use the pictures and descriptions to determine what household item the ants are encountering. Those ants had one crazy advernture!
2. Come Along, Daisy! by Jane Simmons            Daisy is a duckling who likes to play with the dragonflies, watch the fish, and hop around with frogs. Unfortunately, Daisy does not stay with her mother, which creates fantastic opportunities for children to make predictions ("I predict...") or personal connections.
3. The Frog Prince Continued, by Jon Scieszca     Adults may get more of a kick out of this "sequel" to "The Frog Prince" than the children, but it is more than worth the read. Basic background knowledge of fairy tale witches and reading with character voices is a necessity.
4. The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, by Jon Scieszca   Another book by the same author sure to get some giggles is the story of "The Three Little Pigs" told from the perspective of a very sympathetic wolf. There are always at least two sides to any story.
5. Lon Po Po: A Red Riding Hood Story from China, by Ed Young The illustrations are beautiful, and it is wonderful to work on compare and contrast with the typical, Western version of "Little Red Riding Hood".
6. Rain, by Manja Stojic This simple story takes place in Africa during the rainy season, and my 8 year old students loved it. It is a fantastic book to focus on patterns as well as the five senses. We used it for expressive reading. If it says the porcupine whispers, then the reader better whisper! The illustrations are amazing as well.
7. Why Mosquitoes Buzz in People's Ears: A West African Tale, by Verna Aardema   This was one of my favorites as a child. Beautifully told and illustrated, this children's book is fascinating even to adults.

Can you think of any particular children's picture books you and the children in your life have enjoyed? If so, please share with the rest of us.

Watch for a future post concerning chapter books children and grown-ups alike will enjoy to read together.

Dance-Around-Your Apartment Playlist

Sometimes - oftentimes - usually - I like to listen to loud music and dance around like a fool when I am feeling stressed, happy, excited, tired, hungry, have to do homework, have to clean the house, should be doing work-work, and pretty much all other conditions you can imagine. Below is a good playlist to blast while procrastinating and actually doing a little bit of homework and house work. It is necessary to shake your hips, jump up and down, shimmy, and probably wave your arms around while singing along. 


Sweet Pea - Amos Lee
This is a good warm-up song. It isn't too fast, and there isn't a wide vocal range. In addition, it is pretty mellow, so your neighbors don't really know what is in store for them.

That's Not My Name  - The Ting Tongs
 I enjoyed this song when it was on the radio a while back, and now it is on my Wii Just Dance game. Go ahead and judge, but it gets me moving on nights I would rather sit on the couch and stare at the wall. This is a good song to do some awesome finger shaking. That's not my name!

I Write Sins Not Tragedies  - Panic! At the Disco
 My poor neighbor has heard me sing this song quite often lately, as I like to blast it while doing anything laundry related - folding, sorting, putting away, looking at, etc. There is a lot of jumping, moving from side to side, dramatically reciting the verses with gesticulations, and shouting the chorus. Of course, you can do what you please in your apartment.

You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) - Dead or Alive
 Here I recommend singing at the top of your lungs while swiveling your hips. This one works well for doing dishes, since you can continue using your hands to NOT break your mugs and plates.

Man or Muppet - Jason Segel and Walter
 Another good one for a dramatic interpretation, "Man or Muppet" requires a loud, broadway singer voice coupled with wide, sweeping motions of the arms, and occasional spinning.

Kangaroo - Kyle Andrews
 I know he is probably saying "picture" in the first line, because contextually that makes sense, but it really, honestly sounds like he is saying "fiction". This is just a good head-bobbing, bouncing around song, which fits the title, really. Also, he is spelling the word 'kangaroo', so don't waste any time trying to figure it out and singing random letters. Not that I did that the second time I heard this song while reading a text book on pragmatics.

Tequila -The Champs
Because sometimes we just need a drink, but can't have one. Plus, who doesn't like yelling "TEQUILA!"?

End of the Line - The Traveling Wilburys
 It's alright ridin' around in the please, livin' the life you please. And you know what? I am doing the best I can, and I am lending a hand. And it IS alright even if they say I am wrong. I don't know who they are, but it is alright. This is just a good song. I highly recommend, especially if your spirits are feeling a bit low.

All The Same to Me - Anya Marina
I like anything that gives me an adult excuses to sing "e-i-e-i-e-i-o". For some reason, I enjoy listening to this while cooking.

9 Reasons I am an Honest-to-Goodness Adult

The fact that I need to write this to prove to myself and others that I am, in fact, a real, true, honest-to-goodness adult, should indicate to you that it has recently been implied or insinuated that I am not.

1. I pay my bills, and I pay them on time.
2.  I take care of myself, the cat, and the fish just fine. We all eat, live in mostly clean and orderly habitats (mine, partially shared with the cat, is the messiest), and are healthy.
3. Despite the fact that I hate doctors, I schedule, attend, and pay for the various doctor appointments necessary.
4. I have a real job with benefits, etc.
5.  When I go grocery shopping, I don't just buy cookies, ice cream, and pizza. No, I cannot claim I do not have ice cream for breakfast occasionally, but for the most part, I try to eat real meals.
6.  I have a savings account. This is not intended to one day pay for my undergraduate degree. What now?
7.  I am comfortable doing things on my own, such as seeing a movie, going to an art show, attending a concert, etc. if that is what would make me happy at that particular time. Sometimes it is because no one else can or wants to go with me, and sometimes I go solo because I just want some time to do what I want to do at the speed I want to do it.
8. Sometimes, other adults come to me for advice. Granted, it is almost exclusively regarding work, but that means I am at least viewed by some other adults as a professional, and professionals must be adults, right?
9. Because I said so, and I am an adult!

I Love Cookies

I really didn't want to do my reading for class tomorrow.

Because I'm Awesome (#10)

After working out to Just Dance 2 with my Wii (because working full time, being a grad student, and trying to maintain a social life and romantic relationship have made it difficult for me to make it to the community education wellness and fitness classes I like), I decided I needed a snack. Originally, I had a craving for ice cream, but the rain all day today, which persists even now, has made my apartment rather chilly. Since I refuse to raise the heat, and I actually have milk in my refrigerator that is not two weeks past expiration, I decided to make hot chocolate on the stove.

Now, for a single 20-something, I will admit that my kitchen is fairly well stocked, as far as cooking utensils go. However, I am also an elementary ESOL teacher, and I have brought a number of my personal cooking supplies to school to use as props in teaching certain units this month. This means that I have my spaghetti pot and my le creuset available. Please keep in mind that I have a le creuset because I lusted after them insatiably at William-Sonoma for a long time, and finally snagged a black one on super clearance a couple of summers ago. I feel pretty highfalutin right now.

So I am making this hot chocolate in the le creuset using organic sugar and organic cocoa. This is not because I go to the store and only buy organic things, but because I try to avoid shopping at Hy-Vee and only shop at Trader Joe's now. When I go to Hy-Vee, I buy convenience food, most of which goes in the freezer. When I go to Trader Joe's, I plan meals, spend less money, and generally eat healthier. It seems, however, that another bonus is that there are a lot of times when organic is the only option.

And so I plan on enjoying this organic hot chocolate made in my le creuset on this rainy evening, curled up on the couch with my Cookie Monster skin blanket. I almost feel like it is necessary for me to get out the step-ladder to get down one of the fancy porcelain tea cups given to me as a gift to complete the entire activity.

Who says I can't be fancy-schmancy?

"Game of Thrones" Boyfriend of my Dreams

The last couple of weeks, I have been reading "The Game of Thrones". I am enjoying it quite a bit, though progress is slow since I am a student and full-time teacher who is also trying to have a social life. Over spring break, I managed to get a couple hundred pages under my belt, while stopping every once and a while to watch bits of the first season of the HBO series with Mr. Sturm. We also cooked, ate food, and played games, etc., so don't worry that all I did over spring break was Game of Thrones related.

A couple of nights ago, I had an interesting, surprising dream. As it turns out, I was madly in love with Tyrion Lannister, "the imp". In my dream, it was not the Tyrion from the HBO series, but rather the Tyrion I had created in my head before watching any of the series while reading the book.

Tyrion and I were madly in love, though our love was forbidden, and just plain dangerous, for many reasons. First off, he is a Lannister, and clearly as a daughter of a much lesser lord, I would not do. Also, I was betrothed to someone else - a knight in fact, who had neither a face nor a name that I can remember. Perhaps most importantly of all, however, Tyrion was a wanted man by Catelyn Stark and her whole clan, so I spent a good deal of the dream trying to hide and help protect my beloved Tyrion Lannister.

Needless to say, I considered taking a break from the book after this dream. While I am not reading nearly at the rate as over spring break, I have decided to continue. If I am having weird dreams, might as well continue reading and get them all out there. It is interesting that my dream-boyfriend from the book, however, would be Tyrion. Perhaps it is because of his wit, the fact that I love an underdog, and I often feel like he is a good person who is just trying to get along in a swamp of politics, dealing with the loyalty of his disaster of a family.

Ah well.

Louisiana Purchase: A Scam

Teaching elementary students is actually an ongoing education process. Sure, I think it is my job to teach them, but let's be honest. I learn just as much from them.

The other day, in fourth grade, we were discussing the Louisiana purchase. The textbook and test emphasize the importance of this purchase, from the French, because it doubled the size of our country. Since I constantly go "off-script", I felt it necessary to point out that France was really quite far away, and there were already people living on that land that were not informed of this transaction. When I asked how the French could sell this enormous bundle of land without really owning it, one of my students blurted out:

"The Louisiana purchase was a scam! Whoa! What a big scam!"

Since I had to turn around to disguise my laughter as a cough, it was very fortunate my co-teacher held her composure, requested the student to define "scam", then defend his claim. We both accepted it as valid.

The Louisiana Purchase: A Big Scam

Because I'm Awesome (#9)

Last night I melted a bag of cat treats. Then, I tried to change my shower head only to realize that I myself am not strong enough to get the new part on tight enough so the water doesn't spray out in all directions. Now I have to wait for Mr. Sturm to come visit on Sunday to fix it, so I think I need to go to my parents house earlier than planned today to shower.

Finally, Squeaky has a furball on her back leg that I want to cut off before it gets any worse, so I chased my cat around for a while this morning with a scissors. Goodness only knows what an observer would have thought. Eventually I gave up, because even when I caught her, I couldn't hold her down and cut off the furball in what I felt would be a safe way. Now I have two jobs for Mr. Sturm on Sunday.

In good, less incompetent news, it is Spring Break for me! Monday and Tuesday I get to go to a bed and breakfast in Lanesboro, Minnesota. Then, I'll putz around at the cabin for a while before returning to my folks' home for Easter. Yay!

4th Grade Social Studies

One of my co-teachers in 4th grade has let me go crazy and take over for our Social Studies Unit 4 on the Midwest. Teaching the content from a language perspective (since I am an ESOL teacher) has been a little more challenging than just following the book to the tee, but we have seen great results! The kids are active, engaged, participating, and, while we have yet to do a formal assessment, seem to be getting the material. Their illustrations to go with the unit vocabulary and definitions were all quite good.

So, if you are a teacher out there teaching Houghton Miffline Social Studies and are looking for some different lesson plan ideas, I would be more than willing to share some of the slides and handouts I made to teach this unit. Of course, it is all based off  of the Houghton Mifflin States and Regions curriculum, so you'll see a lot of quotes or similar phrases and statements.

As a teacher who teaches so many different grades and subject areas, I always enjoy when people share their ideas. I especially like "Waltke's Web" for ideas or powerpoints about the Scott Foresman curriculum. If there is an interest, I will post or somehow share my social studies materials.

Teaching is pretty fun, isn't it?

One Good Foot, One Sweaty Foot

I once returned from school to find the Protagitron frozen in our kitchen, standing in a lake of red oozing in all directions. It had turned out that she had dropped a bottle of some sort of red sauce which had broken. The shards of glass had then sliced open her toe, and the sticky crimson lake was a horrifying mixture of condiment and human blood.

Practical, and with General Tao Chicken in mind, this small setback did not hinder the Protagitron's progress. She cleaned up the mess and bandaged her foot. As it was, however, the toe wound was quite deep and continued to bleed for quite a while. Rather than visit an emergency room to see if she needed stitches*, Protagitron wrapped her foot in many bandages, put it in a plastic baggie, propped it up on a chair, and enjoyed her Chinese food delicacy of a dinner.

I bring this story up, and hope the Protagitron does not mind me telling it as imitation is a form of flattery, because I now have a plastic bag on my foot. After a delightful bath in my relatively clean tub in my somewhat tidy bathroom, I could not stop the bleeding from a shaving wound. If you are a person who shaves their legs, you know how these wounds can be. They are small, but gush blood in an endless stream. After bleeding on my towel, in the tub, on the bathmat, the kitchen floor, and in the sink as I tried to wipe up the blood and apply bandages, it became clear that my efforts were futile, much like resistance to the Borg might be.

Taking inspiration from one of my favorite women of all time, I did what I could with a band-aid, then put my foot in a quart sized bag, sealed it around my ankle, and called it a night. It is better my foot sweat a bit and the inside of a plastic bag get blood-stained than I bleed all over my couch.



*And who could blame her? I once walked in and right back out of an emergency room in Quebec. Also, I watched the film Jesus de Montreal. I know that visiting a hospital, especially the urgent care part, is a surefire way to die a slow, agonizing, death due to incompetent and negligent care and understaffed healthcare facilities.

Because I'm Awesome (#8)

Earlier today I took off my jeans to take a shower. After my shower, I put the same jeans on with clean underwear and a clean top. I then proceeded to go about my business for the rest of the day.

This evening at Target while getting cat litter, face soap, and ogling the Wii, I felt something fall on my foot. My dirty underwear from that morning had been in my pant leg all day. Totally embarrassed, I scooped it up and shoved it in my coat pocket. I then spent a couple of minutes panicking, thinking other people would think I was shoplifting and how mortifying it would be to be searched by security, only to reveal a pair of dirty underwear.

I'm pretty awesome.

My Dream Analysis

Because I have pretty vivid dreams which I tend to remember upon re-entering the conscious "real" world, and because I often share these dreams with Mr. Sturm, he decided to help me interpret these nighttime visions and insights. For Valentine's Day, Mr. Sturm bought me "The Dream Dictionary From A to Z: The ultimate a-z to interpret the secrets of your dreams" by Theresa Cheung.

Based on my dream from this morning, I had to look up several different categories including:
Cats
Parents
Home
Storm
Vegetables
Skyscraper
Death/Killing/Assassination

Now, I am not going to detail what happened in the dream. You just get the list of what I looked up, and the following paragraphs concerning the dictionary's analysis of my dream. Using this information, you will see that clearly I am insane and in need of psychological help, but you can also use this as an imagination exercise where you try to decide what actually happened in my dream.

Analysis:
I feel like I need to protect and nurture my feminine sexuality, as well as creativity and power. Somehow, I feel that this is threatened and I must hide and protect it. I seek to gain independence from internalized values, and I feel that authority figures are crushing my creativity and freedom. I worry that my actions have negative consequences on others. I am aware of different facets of my personality and am comfortable exploring and moving from one part of myself to another. Either I feel nourished and a sense of fertility, or I need more vitamins in my diet and my body is begging me to eat more vegetables. Also, there is indication that I have deep, unresolved emotional and psychological health in my waking life.

Unsurprisingly, folks, it turns out I might be crazy.

Special Blend of Eyes and Ears

The Similac Baby Formula commercial that keeps coming up on Hulu makes me laugh. Let us pretend we aren't disturbed that something about my viewing and internet habits indicate that I have a baby, which is why they keep advertising baby formula.

The commercial boasts that Similac has a special "eye and ear blend". Now, I know that the good folks over at Similac probably mean that their formula contains vitamins and minerals that help the development of a baby's eyes and ears, but that is not how it sounds.

I imagine a baby formula made up of a special blend of eyes and ears. Nothing better for baby than powdered eyes and ears mixed with baby formula! Someone (FDA?) should probably go inspect their plant and make sure that I am wrong.

I Live With My Cat

Squeaky, my cat, prances around my apartment like she owns the place. Even though I pay the rent with the money I earn at my place of employment, she seems to think she is the boss. When I come home from a grueling 8-15 1/2 hour day at work and school, I sometimes come home to insistent, not-so-polite demands from a seven pound little fluff ball.

And she can be very persuasive.

On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off. 

This is because I am crazy. It never works.

Evidence this is my apartment

Evidence this is Squeaky’s apartment and I am her slave

·         I pay the bills. ·         There are pieces of furniture obviously intended for human beings in this house. ·         There is slightly more human food than cat food available. ·         The cat does not have keys to get in and out. ·         My stuff is everywhere.

·         I feed the cat before I feed myself. If this is not done in the proper order, I get yelled at. ·         The cat decides when I should wake up. ·         The cat can sit or sleep on my furniture. I am not allowed to sit on hers. ·         She is here all the time, while I am gone probably more than I am here. ·         There are cat toys everywhere. ·         The cat gets the best seat in the house. ·         When sleeping, I sometimes hesitate to roll-over for fear of disturbing the cat sleeping on me. ·         The cat decides when we have conversations. ·         The cat decides when she shall be entertained and when I shall go about my otherwise dull existence.

Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9

Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.

Valentine's Present Anxiety

"Anxiety" is definitely an exaggeration. I am not at all anxious about shopping for a Valentine's Day present for Mr. Sturm. I know he will kindly accept anything I deem appropriate, or anything I end up haphazardly throwing together. So really, I'm not anxious about the purchasing, just the time I have to make said purchase. However "Valentine's Present Anxiety" sounds more interesting than "I'm ever-so-slightly Worried I may not have the Time I Want to Purchase and/or Create an Appropriate Valentine's Present". Wouldn't you agree?

I want to get something special, that ties in his personal interests, shows I put some thought into it, is something no one else will be getting for Valentine's Day, but isn't too ostentatious. Ideally, I would like to make him something, but with work, familial obligations, going to class, and doing homework that comes with that class, I worry I will not have time to finish.

On the off chance he has discovered this, I cannot list the things I am thinking of possibly making/purchasing/combining, but I've got a few half-cocked ideas up my sleeve. If you know me, though, you know that my idea of romance is not of the Hollywood-Movie-Romance genre. If someone loves me, they should show me EVERY day, not just on Valentine's Day. If I am special enough to take to a fancy dinner, we should do it because we want to, not because of social pressure to show that on one particular day of the year we get along real well. If someone wants to get me a present to show they've been thinking of me, I kind of want it as a surprise, not because, again, it is the social norm to give your sweetheart a gift on one particular day.

But, nonetheless, I am romantic enough. And I want to get/make him something special. If you have any ideas, feel free to shoot them my way. Otherwise, sorry for the rather dull post.

The wheels are already turning in my head.....

Elementary Humor

A second grader told me the following joke today by the paper towels, then ran away laughing down the hallway.

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Mom.

Mom who?
Your mom is on the toilet!

Needless to say, after I suppressed my own giggle, I had to follow them to talk about what is appropriate for school.

Really? REALLY?

While driving home from Pizza Hut yesterday with my medium pizza and breadsticks intended only for me (please hold your judgement), I was behind a mini-van for a while. This mini-van had one bumper sticker on it. Between the silhouettes of two naked women, it read:

FBI: Female Body Inspector

This struck me as odd. In fact, it confused me and my brow began to furrow as I tried to think of any possible situation it would be appropriate for the owner of a mini-van to display that bumper sticker.

The only possible reason I could come up with was that the person in the vehicle really was a Female Body Inspector. They have some sort of small business, just getting started which is why I haven't heard about it, inspecting female bodies. The mini-van is the company car, and the bumper sticker is merely a way to identify and advertise for the company.

Otherwise, I find the whole thing completely inappropriate and puzzling.

Because I'm Awesome (#7)

Because I am awesome, I held a first grader's chapstick hostage today. At the end of the day, all students must be lined up in their bus line on the blacktop. No students are allowed to play on the "Big Toy" (which in my day was called a "jungle gym" or "playground") even if they are with their parents. I noticed a little girl playing on the Big Toy and had to try to corral her back to the blacktop. She would not go. So I picked up her chapstick and swore not to give it back to her until she got back in her bus line and then followed the procedure for boarding the bus. For whatever reason, this worked like a charm.

Also because I am awesome, I started the day with my skirt on the right way, around my waist, with the zipper on the left side. By the time I got home this evening it was on backwards with the zipper on the right. To make matters even more interesting, the right side was much higher because somehow the hook had gotten caught up in my sweater. Needless to say, it was tricky getting it off. It should also be noted that I did not notice this even a little bit until I tried to take my skirt off so I could sit in my leggings and t-shirt on the couch to eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese by myself.

Finally, another reason I am a completely awesome person today is that I did a 20 minute yoga routine on the floor while Squeaky flitted between my legs and over me.