I am unsure what contributed more to my current level of exhaustion. It was either that really long day of work or the enormous amount of food I ate. Or both. It may have been both.
I just finished devouring my dinner. Last night I did the prep work on my vegetables. I mixed squash, carrots, peppers, potatoes, and onions with some butter, garlic, and a delicious mixture of herbs. Today when I came home, I preheated the oven while I checked my school email, then I put the vegetables in the oven. While they started cooking, I made some pickle steak. I took two thin pieces of round steak, flattened them out a bit more, and rolled them around some cream cheese and a dill pickle. Since the steak was so thin, they fried up pretty fast.
I ate those two pickle steaks and a hearty helping of vegetables while watching a disc of Mad Men on my computer. I completed my meal with a half pint of brownie ice cream.
Now I am in a near food coma, laying on my couch as it gets darker and darker. I’ve got Bend Sinister playing on my computer, and I am trying to muster up the energy to go pick out my clothes for tomorrow and do the rest of my dinner dishes. I’m not going to lie to you, though – I could probably just go to sleep right here right now and not wake up in time to be at work.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Things Both Accomplished and Learned
Things Accomplished Today:
1.INTERNET: I now have wireless internet in my home! How awesome is that? Pretty awesome. Since I don’t have a landline, I had to go looking for the phone jack, and it was really quite difficult to find. There is a little alcove in the front hall where an old fashioned telephone used to be, but I could not for the life of me find where one of those new-fangled phones might go. It turns out the phone jack is in the windowsill behind the headboard of my bed. This means that the modem goes under my bed now. The good news is I don’t have to look at the modem. The bad news is that there is a green chord going from my windowsill to behind my bed now and I had to move my alarm clock to pug in the modem. But the best news is I have internet under my bed!
2.ADDRESS OFFICIALLY CHANGED WITH EMPLOYER: I went over to human resources today to drop off my insurance papers, officially change my address to my new home in Rochester, and to pick up my ID badge. The address changing went well, but then I found out I had to go to another building to turn in my insurance papers. I vaguely remember someone telling me at new employee orientation last month that that would be the case, but I didn’t remember. I asked for directions, and the woman at the desk told me, “Get onto 6th St. Turn Right on Broadway. When you see a Kmart, turn left. There will be a little service drive. Turn right. There’s two buildings there – a dumpy little one and a bigger one. The (name of service I can’t remember but I know it started with am “m”)’s office is in that building.” I repeated the directions back to her, thanked her, and left.
3.PICKED UP MY ID BADGE: Well, it looks like me, and I guess that is what it is supposed to do, so there you have it.
4.PURCHASED FISH: I was going to wait until September or even October to buy a fish, but I was at Target buying groceries, and Petsmart was right there. I went in just to browse and see their prices, and I fell in love with a little blue beta fish. He is pretty awesome. I bought him a glass bowl and some beta fish food. Once home, I put some rocks and stones in the bottom of the bowl that I had acquired from vases, and let the filtered water reach room temperature. He is now happily swimming around in his bowl in the alcove where the old fashioned telephone used to go. I think I will name him Felix Mendelssohn, Luwig, or Opus, although to be honest, I am leaning towards Felix Mendelssohn.
5.ATTEMPTED TO PLUG IN MICROWAVE: More on this under “Things I Learned Today”.
Things Learned Today:
1.I CANNOT PLUG MY MICROWAVE IN RIGHT NOW. I put the microwave on top of the fridge, and I want to plug it into the same outlet as the fridge. Unfortunately, the cord didn’t reach, so I bought and appliance extension cord from Target. Now the fridge is plugged into an outlet that is actually in the cupboard below the sink. There is a hole that clearly was not originally there between the fridge and this cupboard, and the cord goes right through. Once I moved my fridge, which was quite the ordeal, I learned that the whole is too small for either weird shaped end of the extension cord I bought. I then had to move my fridge back until later. I don’t have anything to make the hole bigger with right now. Maybe later I will ask either the building manager or my neighbor. I don’t want to put the microwave on the counter because then I won’t have any counter space. Already I am confused as to use my kitchen with so little counter space. If I have none, my head will just explode as I make dinner, and who will clean that up?
2.I CAN MOVE MY FRIDGE BY MYSELF. See above.
3.THERE IS NO KMART OFF OF BROADWAY. I never did find the building I was supposed to find to turn in my insurance papers. I drove back and forth on Broadway, and soon found that you couldn’t make a left turn once you hit a certain point. I found two Targets, a Walmart, a Fleet Farm, a Khols, and two monument makers with many headstones out front. I did not, however, find any Kmart. I have to now use the internet and go out and do it before work in the morning.
4.BROADWAY TURNS INTO A HIGHWAY. That surprised me as I was looking for the Kmart. One minute I am downtown on a regular road, and all of a sudden I am in the middle of nowhere on a highway. Good to know that happens.
5.IT IS HOT IN ROCHESTER. And apparently it will not cool down even when I ask nicely. Ufda!
1.INTERNET: I now have wireless internet in my home! How awesome is that? Pretty awesome. Since I don’t have a landline, I had to go looking for the phone jack, and it was really quite difficult to find. There is a little alcove in the front hall where an old fashioned telephone used to be, but I could not for the life of me find where one of those new-fangled phones might go. It turns out the phone jack is in the windowsill behind the headboard of my bed. This means that the modem goes under my bed now. The good news is I don’t have to look at the modem. The bad news is that there is a green chord going from my windowsill to behind my bed now and I had to move my alarm clock to pug in the modem. But the best news is I have internet under my bed!
2.ADDRESS OFFICIALLY CHANGED WITH EMPLOYER: I went over to human resources today to drop off my insurance papers, officially change my address to my new home in Rochester, and to pick up my ID badge. The address changing went well, but then I found out I had to go to another building to turn in my insurance papers. I vaguely remember someone telling me at new employee orientation last month that that would be the case, but I didn’t remember. I asked for directions, and the woman at the desk told me, “Get onto 6th St. Turn Right on Broadway. When you see a Kmart, turn left. There will be a little service drive. Turn right. There’s two buildings there – a dumpy little one and a bigger one. The (name of service I can’t remember but I know it started with am “m”)’s office is in that building.” I repeated the directions back to her, thanked her, and left.
3.PICKED UP MY ID BADGE: Well, it looks like me, and I guess that is what it is supposed to do, so there you have it.
4.PURCHASED FISH: I was going to wait until September or even October to buy a fish, but I was at Target buying groceries, and Petsmart was right there. I went in just to browse and see their prices, and I fell in love with a little blue beta fish. He is pretty awesome. I bought him a glass bowl and some beta fish food. Once home, I put some rocks and stones in the bottom of the bowl that I had acquired from vases, and let the filtered water reach room temperature. He is now happily swimming around in his bowl in the alcove where the old fashioned telephone used to go. I think I will name him Felix Mendelssohn, Luwig, or Opus, although to be honest, I am leaning towards Felix Mendelssohn.
5.ATTEMPTED TO PLUG IN MICROWAVE: More on this under “Things I Learned Today”.
Things Learned Today:
1.I CANNOT PLUG MY MICROWAVE IN RIGHT NOW. I put the microwave on top of the fridge, and I want to plug it into the same outlet as the fridge. Unfortunately, the cord didn’t reach, so I bought and appliance extension cord from Target. Now the fridge is plugged into an outlet that is actually in the cupboard below the sink. There is a hole that clearly was not originally there between the fridge and this cupboard, and the cord goes right through. Once I moved my fridge, which was quite the ordeal, I learned that the whole is too small for either weird shaped end of the extension cord I bought. I then had to move my fridge back until later. I don’t have anything to make the hole bigger with right now. Maybe later I will ask either the building manager or my neighbor. I don’t want to put the microwave on the counter because then I won’t have any counter space. Already I am confused as to use my kitchen with so little counter space. If I have none, my head will just explode as I make dinner, and who will clean that up?
2.I CAN MOVE MY FRIDGE BY MYSELF. See above.
3.THERE IS NO KMART OFF OF BROADWAY. I never did find the building I was supposed to find to turn in my insurance papers. I drove back and forth on Broadway, and soon found that you couldn’t make a left turn once you hit a certain point. I found two Targets, a Walmart, a Fleet Farm, a Khols, and two monument makers with many headstones out front. I did not, however, find any Kmart. I have to now use the internet and go out and do it before work in the morning.
4.BROADWAY TURNS INTO A HIGHWAY. That surprised me as I was looking for the Kmart. One minute I am downtown on a regular road, and all of a sudden I am in the middle of nowhere on a highway. Good to know that happens.
5.IT IS HOT IN ROCHESTER. And apparently it will not cool down even when I ask nicely. Ufda!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
This Just In...
There are many ways for people to get their news these days. You can watch the morning or evening news. Often the local news shows are spotted with adorable local "news" as well. You can also watch CNN or other reputable and serious news programs. Of course there is always shows like the TODAY show or (shudder) The View. Some people, my father among them, enjoy getting their news from the radio. I, too, occasionally like listening to the news between flipping through all the other stations. Although the world has been insisting it is dieing, many people still use the newspaper. I only like the newspaper for the Variety section, or the Sunday Life and Travel section. Really, I'll read any novelty section of the newspaper.
It would be my guess that most people my age get their news from the internet. Many people have a favorite news site or sites that they frequent, or at least check every once and a while. I, however, start at aol.com, then just keep clicking on link after link, reading the interesting headlines at random, googling things for further information.
During my random internet surfing of news stories, I came across this headline from The Union from Western Nevada County in California:
"SWAT team requested for violent midgets"
Is this headline even politically correct? But that aside, I highly recommend the article as a peice of nice, light, afternoon literature.
It would be my guess that most people my age get their news from the internet. Many people have a favorite news site or sites that they frequent, or at least check every once and a while. I, however, start at aol.com, then just keep clicking on link after link, reading the interesting headlines at random, googling things for further information.
During my random internet surfing of news stories, I came across this headline from The Union from Western Nevada County in California:
"SWAT team requested for violent midgets"
Is this headline even politically correct? But that aside, I highly recommend the article as a peice of nice, light, afternoon literature.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Midori Sours
Yesterday, Paula came to visit me. I made an extremely fancy dinner of spaghetti with zucchini, garlic bread, and strawberry shortcake. It took quite a while to eat because I did a lot of gabbing, plus I should not be allowed to eat spaghetti in public. Actually, I don’t know that I should be allowed to eat anything in public. I completely forgot, however, that I try not to eat spaghetti in front of people I don’t know very well. All in all, it could have gone worse, and Paula did not seem especially offended by my spaghetti eating.
Afterwards, we went out for a walk. Broadway proved to be rather disappointing, what with only closed stores. But then we saw a group of people down on a corner. Even though we figured they were probably all waiting for a bus, we ventured down.
And it was a thing! There were booths with people selling things, a farmers’ market, and live music. The live music was ok, but since country isn’t really my thing, and it definitely isn’t Paula’s, we didn’t stay long. It turns out, however, that this event may be occurring again on upcoming Thursday evenings. That should be fun. I can go out and people watch and listen to local live music.
After leaving that event, we went back the way we came and went into McGoon’s, where I discovered Midori Sours are not so bad. Paula and I watched the game and chatted. I ended up with two Midori Sours, and the second one had only about this much Sprite (imagine me showing you a very small amount with my hand). I did end up drinking that one faster than the first one, too, because Paula was drinking fancy shots including a Washington Apple and a Red Headed Slut (they could not make her the Pineapple Upside Down shot), and the Twins were losing 11-0 to the White Sox at the bottom of the 9th. There was no way we were coming back from that.
In the last few months, my alcohol intake has gone up dramatically. This may sound awful, but you have to take into account that before I was averaging one glass of wine or one Mike’s hard lemonade every 7 weeks or so. Since May, I have had several drinks a month. I still have never been drunk, but I don’t mind the occasional tipsiness so much anymore. I won’t lie, though. Even though that second margarita has become exponentially more delicious sounding, getting drunk still does not appeal to me.
Paula and I ended our evening by walking back to my place and watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother, and I informed Paula that I have dibs on the character of Marshall. We may have to fight it out later, because I also have dibs on Target. I’m thinking anywhere that lets me be in a committed relationship with a fictional television show character will let me simultaneously be in a committed relationship with a store, right?
All in all, it was a lovely evening. It was my first time entertaining someone in my very own apartment, and I think it went just fine. Too bad Paula is moving up to the Twin Cities soon.
Afterwards, we went out for a walk. Broadway proved to be rather disappointing, what with only closed stores. But then we saw a group of people down on a corner. Even though we figured they were probably all waiting for a bus, we ventured down.
And it was a thing! There were booths with people selling things, a farmers’ market, and live music. The live music was ok, but since country isn’t really my thing, and it definitely isn’t Paula’s, we didn’t stay long. It turns out, however, that this event may be occurring again on upcoming Thursday evenings. That should be fun. I can go out and people watch and listen to local live music.
After leaving that event, we went back the way we came and went into McGoon’s, where I discovered Midori Sours are not so bad. Paula and I watched the game and chatted. I ended up with two Midori Sours, and the second one had only about this much Sprite (imagine me showing you a very small amount with my hand). I did end up drinking that one faster than the first one, too, because Paula was drinking fancy shots including a Washington Apple and a Red Headed Slut (they could not make her the Pineapple Upside Down shot), and the Twins were losing 11-0 to the White Sox at the bottom of the 9th. There was no way we were coming back from that.
In the last few months, my alcohol intake has gone up dramatically. This may sound awful, but you have to take into account that before I was averaging one glass of wine or one Mike’s hard lemonade every 7 weeks or so. Since May, I have had several drinks a month. I still have never been drunk, but I don’t mind the occasional tipsiness so much anymore. I won’t lie, though. Even though that second margarita has become exponentially more delicious sounding, getting drunk still does not appeal to me.
Paula and I ended our evening by walking back to my place and watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother, and I informed Paula that I have dibs on the character of Marshall. We may have to fight it out later, because I also have dibs on Target. I’m thinking anywhere that lets me be in a committed relationship with a fictional television show character will let me simultaneously be in a committed relationship with a store, right?
All in all, it was a lovely evening. It was my first time entertaining someone in my very own apartment, and I think it went just fine. Too bad Paula is moving up to the Twin Cities soon.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Broken Hearted Playlist
I was feeling particularly blue the other day, and my very wise and wonderful former roommate suggested a song to me. It is a wonderful song that repeats what I have been telling myself for months now. It inspired me to get myself a nice cup of tea and work on a little playlist to make myself feel better.
Here is the playlist so far:
1.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
This was recommended by my fantastic Marty. I love the upbeatness (real technical music term, there. You can tell I studied music.) and how it so precisely speaks to how I feel and how I keep trying to talk to myself to get through it. I whole-heartedly recommend you give this a good listen, especially if you have ever been thwarted by love.
2.“When Will You Love me Again?” – The Magnetic Fields
I used to be a big fan of the Magnetic Fields’ quirky love songs. Their ability to capture just how awkward but wonderful love can be, how sometimes silly and confusing it can be. Now those songs just upset me, and remind me how I am not with him. Luckily, The Magnetic Fields also have a plethora of songs about lost love. The lyrics to this song are often similar to what runs through my head a few times a day, between me telling myself that it might take forever, but things will get better.
3. “Maybe” – Ingrid Michaelson
Because right now I really hope that maybe, someday, in the future, he might come back. Because I still find myself reaching for him some mornings. Because I feel like I am sitting on the pavement, trying hard not to cry. Because right now, his is the last hand I want to hold, but all I can do is continue on and maybe, just maybe, someday in the future, he just might come back.
4.“Maybe” – Janis Joplin
This is another song about maybes, but sung by Janis Joplin, so you really feel it in your gut. Even though he has broken her heart, she says maybe he might come back home. You can feel her pain as she sings about being hurt, but being willing to forget all about it, if only he would come home and talk to her. “Now come on! I said come back! Won’t you come back – come back to me?”
5. “I Thought You Were my Boyfriend” – The Magnetic Fields
This song is kind of silly, and doesn’t really apply to my situation other than he told me that he loved me, but the joke was on me. I thought he was my boyfriend. I thought I was just the girl for him, that we were going to stick together (like glue) forever. I don’t know how long I was strung along.
6.“I Fall to Pieces” – Patsy Cline
Much like Janis, you can just feel Patsy’s broken heart. Unlike Patsy, though, I don’t even get the friendship part. I lost him as lover and friend. Recently I’ve been trying to determine what would be more painful – the way it is now, where he is completely absent, or if I could only have him in my life again, even as a friend. However, like Patsy, I do fall to pieces just a little bit every time I hear his name, every time I am reminded of him, every time I catch myself from telling a story about him or of something we experienced together. Also like Patsy, time seems only to add to the flame. Which is why I have to keep reminding myself that things will get better, and I need to be patient because it just might take forever.
7.“Breakeven” – The Script
When I put my ipod back in its case and put that case in a box in the back of my closet, this song was on the radio quite a bit. Where I used to listen to my ipod back and forth from school and work, I was now stuck with radio, and there seemed to be only this song and the “Soul Sister” song that I absolutely hate, since it reminds me that I am completely resistible. Anyway, “Breakeven” really spoke to me, and I spent many afternoons leaving work with tears welling up in my eyes because what am I supposed to do when the best part of being in love was him? Darn right when a heart breaks it doesn’t break even! And there’s nothing I can say when I’m all choked up and he’s just fine and dandy!
8.“Live and Let Die” – Paul McCartney & WINGS
Well, when I was young, my heart was an open book. I used to say, “Live and let live!” just to random people in Cub Foods. If you know me, you know I did. But then this world is always changing, so I just had to give in and cry, “Live and let die!” Then I started doing some crazy gymnastics in Cub Foods and while taking Henry for a walk through Evermoor. And you know what, what does it matter anyway? When you got a job to do, you have to do it well. You have to give the other fellow hell, because what else can you do with your time? And that's why I yell "Live and let die!" out my car window as I drive by parks where children play.
9.“Won’t Back Down” – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
This has been one of my favorite songs since I was a small child. I like to think it justifies my ridiculously stubborn streak. There are times when I really think I could be stood up at the gates of hell and stick to my guns. Sometimes I don’t even back down when I know I should. When I get a bee in my bonnet, I can’t shake it. And I get tired of being pushed around sometimes. This song doesn’t really apply to being jilted in love so much as it is a reminder to me that Tom Petty says it is ok for me to refuse to back down.
10.“Be OK” – Ingrid Michaelson
There are moments in time when all I want is to be ok. I want that pain in my abdomen to go away. I want to feel like I used to feel, and I want to know that things are going to be wonderful again sometime soon.
11.“Change Your Mind” – Bend Sinister
Bend Sinister, a band I was just introduced to the other day, is making another appearance. This song reminds me that sometimes you do everything, but they still leave, and you can’t change their mind. Again, the music itself is peppy enough so that it gives me a little bit of energy even as it connects with me on the level that I feel a little used and a little bit of a failure. But it reminds me that it may always be on my mind, but it wasn’t my decision. I can’t change his mind.
12. “Crazy” – Patsy Cline
This song made the cut for a few different reasons. Again, you can just feel Patsy Cline’s broken heart. Her pain is my pain. Also, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling crazy myself lately for all the reasons that Patsy sings about.
13.“Por Que Te Vas?” – Los Super Elegantes
I get a kick out of Los Super Elegantes. I like the dance beat and the trumpet. I also really enjoy the matter-of-fact tone they use when asking, “Why did you leave?” It seems less an accusation and more of just a statement as they describe their feeling of loss. Plus, I like that it is in Spanish, even though I can’t speak Spanish.
14.“The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World
Much like “Won’t Back Down”, this song is one that has gotten me through some other rough patches. Never have I had to apply it to something that meant this much to me, but I’m working on it. Just listening to it makes me feel a little better about myself. I appreciate that Jimmy Eat World tries to assure me that it is only in my head I feel this craptacular. While I disagree that I am doing better on my own, I am going to continue being myself – my awkward, crazy, confused, stubborn, ridiculous self with a cornucopia of interesting health issues and an ability to have to struggle through simple, every day activities for no particular reason – even if I think it might not be good enough for someone else. I also like to think that I shouldn’t write myself off just yet, because there is a good possibility that things will work out just fine.
Also, this song makes me dance like a crazy person when no one else is around, so that’s another plus for it.
15.“Piece of My Heart” – Janis Joplin
Just take another piece of my heart! I don’t even care! It may be in pieces right now, but if you come back, you can have it all over again! I loved you then, I love you now, and I don’t regret giving you my heart! So little do I regret it, that I would do it all over again! So, come on! Just take another little piece of my heart!
16.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
Yes. I realize that this is the first song on the playlist as well, but that’s where I am at right now. I am hoping things will get better. No - I know that it may take forever, but things will get better.
Here is the playlist so far:
1.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
This was recommended by my fantastic Marty. I love the upbeatness (real technical music term, there. You can tell I studied music.) and how it so precisely speaks to how I feel and how I keep trying to talk to myself to get through it. I whole-heartedly recommend you give this a good listen, especially if you have ever been thwarted by love.
2.“When Will You Love me Again?” – The Magnetic Fields
I used to be a big fan of the Magnetic Fields’ quirky love songs. Their ability to capture just how awkward but wonderful love can be, how sometimes silly and confusing it can be. Now those songs just upset me, and remind me how I am not with him. Luckily, The Magnetic Fields also have a plethora of songs about lost love. The lyrics to this song are often similar to what runs through my head a few times a day, between me telling myself that it might take forever, but things will get better.
3. “Maybe” – Ingrid Michaelson
Because right now I really hope that maybe, someday, in the future, he might come back. Because I still find myself reaching for him some mornings. Because I feel like I am sitting on the pavement, trying hard not to cry. Because right now, his is the last hand I want to hold, but all I can do is continue on and maybe, just maybe, someday in the future, he just might come back.
4.“Maybe” – Janis Joplin
This is another song about maybes, but sung by Janis Joplin, so you really feel it in your gut. Even though he has broken her heart, she says maybe he might come back home. You can feel her pain as she sings about being hurt, but being willing to forget all about it, if only he would come home and talk to her. “Now come on! I said come back! Won’t you come back – come back to me?”
5. “I Thought You Were my Boyfriend” – The Magnetic Fields
This song is kind of silly, and doesn’t really apply to my situation other than he told me that he loved me, but the joke was on me. I thought he was my boyfriend. I thought I was just the girl for him, that we were going to stick together (like glue) forever. I don’t know how long I was strung along.
6.“I Fall to Pieces” – Patsy Cline
Much like Janis, you can just feel Patsy’s broken heart. Unlike Patsy, though, I don’t even get the friendship part. I lost him as lover and friend. Recently I’ve been trying to determine what would be more painful – the way it is now, where he is completely absent, or if I could only have him in my life again, even as a friend. However, like Patsy, I do fall to pieces just a little bit every time I hear his name, every time I am reminded of him, every time I catch myself from telling a story about him or of something we experienced together. Also like Patsy, time seems only to add to the flame. Which is why I have to keep reminding myself that things will get better, and I need to be patient because it just might take forever.
7.“Breakeven” – The Script
When I put my ipod back in its case and put that case in a box in the back of my closet, this song was on the radio quite a bit. Where I used to listen to my ipod back and forth from school and work, I was now stuck with radio, and there seemed to be only this song and the “Soul Sister” song that I absolutely hate, since it reminds me that I am completely resistible. Anyway, “Breakeven” really spoke to me, and I spent many afternoons leaving work with tears welling up in my eyes because what am I supposed to do when the best part of being in love was him? Darn right when a heart breaks it doesn’t break even! And there’s nothing I can say when I’m all choked up and he’s just fine and dandy!
8.“Live and Let Die” – Paul McCartney & WINGS
Well, when I was young, my heart was an open book. I used to say, “Live and let live!” just to random people in Cub Foods. If you know me, you know I did. But then this world is always changing, so I just had to give in and cry, “Live and let die!” Then I started doing some crazy gymnastics in Cub Foods and while taking Henry for a walk through Evermoor. And you know what, what does it matter anyway? When you got a job to do, you have to do it well. You have to give the other fellow hell, because what else can you do with your time? And that's why I yell "Live and let die!" out my car window as I drive by parks where children play.
9.“Won’t Back Down” – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
This has been one of my favorite songs since I was a small child. I like to think it justifies my ridiculously stubborn streak. There are times when I really think I could be stood up at the gates of hell and stick to my guns. Sometimes I don’t even back down when I know I should. When I get a bee in my bonnet, I can’t shake it. And I get tired of being pushed around sometimes. This song doesn’t really apply to being jilted in love so much as it is a reminder to me that Tom Petty says it is ok for me to refuse to back down.
10.“Be OK” – Ingrid Michaelson
There are moments in time when all I want is to be ok. I want that pain in my abdomen to go away. I want to feel like I used to feel, and I want to know that things are going to be wonderful again sometime soon.
11.“Change Your Mind” – Bend Sinister
Bend Sinister, a band I was just introduced to the other day, is making another appearance. This song reminds me that sometimes you do everything, but they still leave, and you can’t change their mind. Again, the music itself is peppy enough so that it gives me a little bit of energy even as it connects with me on the level that I feel a little used and a little bit of a failure. But it reminds me that it may always be on my mind, but it wasn’t my decision. I can’t change his mind.
12. “Crazy” – Patsy Cline
This song made the cut for a few different reasons. Again, you can just feel Patsy Cline’s broken heart. Her pain is my pain. Also, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling crazy myself lately for all the reasons that Patsy sings about.
13.“Por Que Te Vas?” – Los Super Elegantes
I get a kick out of Los Super Elegantes. I like the dance beat and the trumpet. I also really enjoy the matter-of-fact tone they use when asking, “Why did you leave?” It seems less an accusation and more of just a statement as they describe their feeling of loss. Plus, I like that it is in Spanish, even though I can’t speak Spanish.
14.“The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World
Much like “Won’t Back Down”, this song is one that has gotten me through some other rough patches. Never have I had to apply it to something that meant this much to me, but I’m working on it. Just listening to it makes me feel a little better about myself. I appreciate that Jimmy Eat World tries to assure me that it is only in my head I feel this craptacular. While I disagree that I am doing better on my own, I am going to continue being myself – my awkward, crazy, confused, stubborn, ridiculous self with a cornucopia of interesting health issues and an ability to have to struggle through simple, every day activities for no particular reason – even if I think it might not be good enough for someone else. I also like to think that I shouldn’t write myself off just yet, because there is a good possibility that things will work out just fine.
Also, this song makes me dance like a crazy person when no one else is around, so that’s another plus for it.
15.“Piece of My Heart” – Janis Joplin
Just take another piece of my heart! I don’t even care! It may be in pieces right now, but if you come back, you can have it all over again! I loved you then, I love you now, and I don’t regret giving you my heart! So little do I regret it, that I would do it all over again! So, come on! Just take another little piece of my heart!
16.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
Yes. I realize that this is the first song on the playlist as well, but that’s where I am at right now. I am hoping things will get better. No - I know that it may take forever, but things will get better.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Henry Henry Henry!
Henry and I have been working on the command “stay”. Sometimes he does it really well, and I can walk up and down the stairs and into the kitchen and come back and he is right where I left him. Other times he gets really confused and starts going through all his tricks like some sort of broken wind-up toy, which is kind of funny. We’re also working on “roll over” as sort of an extension of “Bang! Bang!”
So far Henry can sit, lay down and come for his basic tricks. He can also “Stick ‘em up”, which means he stands on his back legs with his front paws above his head. Sometimes the sheriff shoots him anyway, and “Bang! Bang!”, he rolls over on his back and stick his paws up in the air. He can also “dance” which means he stands on his hind legs and spins in a circle. Finally, he waves hello. If you say “Hello, Henry!” and wave at him like you are a toddler, he waves his left paw. It is pretty cute.
After mastering roll over, I am thinking about teaching him to walk on command on his hind legs (he already does it sometimes on his own), to jump through a hula hoop, and to army crawl. As you can see, I am very concerned about the practical application of the commands I am teaching Henry.
Feel free to make any suggestions.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Story of the Minor Toe Incident
Today I tripped over an empty cardboard box in the garage and ended up throwing myself into various other items – such as a storage tub and a car. After about a millisecond of pinballing myself around, I walked around like a possessed person. While I had miraculously managed to stay upright, I had hurt my big toe. This was causing me to limp-pace back and forth, holding my hands above my head, pursing my lips and taking short breaths. Once the pain was under control, it was time to assess the damage. To be honest, it really didn’t look that bad. It looked like maybe I had cracked the toenail, which isn’t bad. I continued my work moving things from the trunk of the car to the table.
After my moving endeavors were completed, I sat down and realized that the stickiness on my flip flop was not water from the rain, but blood from my foot. It turns out I had broken off half my toenail and it was bleeding from underneath. No wonder it was still hurting. And here I thought my tolerance for pain was significantly reduced.
After washing the foot, removing the broken toenail pieces, clipping a small piece of the toenail to reduce future further toenail rippage, and using peroxide to clean the wound, bandaids were applied. I must admit that the foaming and bubbling of hydrogen peroxide fascinates me. As a child, I was told that the bubbling meant that the germs were dying. The more your wound bubbled and foamed when you put the peroxide on it, the dirtier the would is, and the more times you should apply the peroxide. I am not sure if this is true. I suspect it may be completely false. It sounds like something I would be told as an absolute truth as a child, but then later discover that it is a complete falsity. Still, I live by this piece of information as a general rule. The bubbling and foaming wasn’t so much for my toe injury tonight, though, so the peroxide was only applied once. Most of the blood was coming from underneath what was left of the toenail anyway.
And that is my story about how sometimes I am just a little bit clumsy. Often, I can’t remember how I even injured myself. That’s how used to being clumsy I am. I don’t even notice walking into things.
After my moving endeavors were completed, I sat down and realized that the stickiness on my flip flop was not water from the rain, but blood from my foot. It turns out I had broken off half my toenail and it was bleeding from underneath. No wonder it was still hurting. And here I thought my tolerance for pain was significantly reduced.
After washing the foot, removing the broken toenail pieces, clipping a small piece of the toenail to reduce future further toenail rippage, and using peroxide to clean the wound, bandaids were applied. I must admit that the foaming and bubbling of hydrogen peroxide fascinates me. As a child, I was told that the bubbling meant that the germs were dying. The more your wound bubbled and foamed when you put the peroxide on it, the dirtier the would is, and the more times you should apply the peroxide. I am not sure if this is true. I suspect it may be completely false. It sounds like something I would be told as an absolute truth as a child, but then later discover that it is a complete falsity. Still, I live by this piece of information as a general rule. The bubbling and foaming wasn’t so much for my toe injury tonight, though, so the peroxide was only applied once. Most of the blood was coming from underneath what was left of the toenail anyway.
And that is my story about how sometimes I am just a little bit clumsy. Often, I can’t remember how I even injured myself. That’s how used to being clumsy I am. I don’t even notice walking into things.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Ra! Ra! Rochester!
I just found this on youtube! Guess where I am getting information on all the social events I will be attending!
http://www.youtube.com/user/RahRahRochester#p/u/0/10wmUldEldE
How is this not awesome?
http://www.youtube.com/user/RahRahRochester#p/u/0/10wmUldEldE
How is this not awesome?
Love
When do you give up on love?
Recently my best friend, partner in crime, confidante, and man I love shared with me that he could not be content only having been with one woman. Apparently he was unsure that I was the person for him, and that is something you want to be sure about. Naturally, I was devastated. There was the shock, the despair, the grief, and about 15 minutes of anger. I wish there had been more anger. At least if I were angry, I would have all that energy from the rage to power me to do stupid things. Alas, I seem to be plugging along.
Life is treating me well, otherwise. I was lucky enough to get a job in a good school district. I am moving to a lovely apartment in a nice city with a delightful building manager. I have much more than the bare necessities for apartment living. In fact, I have an incredibly well equipped kitchen. My cat, Squeaky, is able to make the move with me. I am even considering investing in a fish come September or October.
And yet I am in so much pain. I function just fine, and am even happy enough most of the time. However, there is this constant pressure in my abdomen. It is strange that this loss should affect me so physically.
I knew I loved him. I knew he made me happy. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life laughing and snuggling and eating and singing and travelling and dancing with him. But I thought that if we were to decide to break up, or if he were to leave me, I would be sad, but I would be ok. I imagined sadness and anger, but not this constant physical discomfort.
Every little thing reminds me of him. A song on the radio reminds me of when we sang aloud to the song in the car on the way to that show. A red Toyota drives by me on the highway and I look for a Wisconsin license plate. I can’t even eat a salad without thinking about how he insisted that lettuce was the most vile food on the planet. It has gotten so ridiculous that I drive through Wisconsin farmland and I think about all those times I drove through different Wisconsin farmland on my way to see him.
The other day, because of the insane level of awesomeness coursing through my veins, I had been thinking of him. In an attempt to dial a number on my phone, I accidentally dialed his. I hung up immediately, realizing my mistake, but I guess it still must have rang or connected on his side, because he ended up with a missed call. And he called me back.
The sound of his voice immediately shook the sleep from my eyes. It was so nice to hear his voice. Unfortunately, he didn’t sound particularly happy with life in general. This is too bad. Actually, to be honest, I am torn on this. I want him to be happy and have a good life (and this desire causes me to curse at myself sometimes. Please refer back to where I wish I could be angrier.), but I also want him to be unhappy without me. I want him to want me back.
Now when we parted ways, I indicated that I didn’t know if I could ever trust him if he came back. I told him this. I told him he could never come back because he would have ruined the trust and friendship between us. But now, here’s the thing – I don’t care. I deserve to be happy, and he is what makes me happy.
After hearing his voice on the phone and our short, somewhat awkward conversation, I slept so wonderfully. The next day, most of my smiles were genuine. I found myself half-smiling at nothing in particular.
I want him back in my life. I deserve to be happy, and if having him in my life makes me happy, screw the pride I am supposed to have.
A confession that doesn’t really need to be confessed at this point since it is so obvious: I am still in love with him. I want to feel his hand in mine and see his smiling face across the table from me. I want to laugh with him and play games with him. I want to share my day with him, and I want to hear everything about his day.
I understand that this probably won’t happen. I understand that he may never again be romantically interested in me.
A Proposition: If we can’t be together, maybe we can still be friends. This will probably cause me pain, but I am already in pain. Maybe if I can still have him in my life in some capacity, things will be better.
The thing is, I need to know when to call it quits. Maybe he shouldn’t be part of my life at all anymore, although I don’t see how that can be possible. He was my family. He was the person closest to me. He was the only person I could be entirely me all of the time with. How do you cut that out? How do you pretend that doesn’t exist?
But with the love portion, where do I call that quits? I already have a ridiculously stubborn streak that has gotten me into trouble in the past. There are things I should have quit, but I didn’t. Of course, it caused issues in my life for a time, but I don’t really regret trying to stick it through. I prefer to know I didn’t quit. I prefer to know I didn’t settle, but I put up a fight. Can this – should this – be applied to love?
How long and hard do I fight? It is difficult to say, since I am not even sure I should fight. Perhaps we can be friends. It might be worth a try.
But I want so much to be happy.
Recently my best friend, partner in crime, confidante, and man I love shared with me that he could not be content only having been with one woman. Apparently he was unsure that I was the person for him, and that is something you want to be sure about. Naturally, I was devastated. There was the shock, the despair, the grief, and about 15 minutes of anger. I wish there had been more anger. At least if I were angry, I would have all that energy from the rage to power me to do stupid things. Alas, I seem to be plugging along.
Life is treating me well, otherwise. I was lucky enough to get a job in a good school district. I am moving to a lovely apartment in a nice city with a delightful building manager. I have much more than the bare necessities for apartment living. In fact, I have an incredibly well equipped kitchen. My cat, Squeaky, is able to make the move with me. I am even considering investing in a fish come September or October.
And yet I am in so much pain. I function just fine, and am even happy enough most of the time. However, there is this constant pressure in my abdomen. It is strange that this loss should affect me so physically.
I knew I loved him. I knew he made me happy. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life laughing and snuggling and eating and singing and travelling and dancing with him. But I thought that if we were to decide to break up, or if he were to leave me, I would be sad, but I would be ok. I imagined sadness and anger, but not this constant physical discomfort.
Every little thing reminds me of him. A song on the radio reminds me of when we sang aloud to the song in the car on the way to that show. A red Toyota drives by me on the highway and I look for a Wisconsin license plate. I can’t even eat a salad without thinking about how he insisted that lettuce was the most vile food on the planet. It has gotten so ridiculous that I drive through Wisconsin farmland and I think about all those times I drove through different Wisconsin farmland on my way to see him.
The other day, because of the insane level of awesomeness coursing through my veins, I had been thinking of him. In an attempt to dial a number on my phone, I accidentally dialed his. I hung up immediately, realizing my mistake, but I guess it still must have rang or connected on his side, because he ended up with a missed call. And he called me back.
The sound of his voice immediately shook the sleep from my eyes. It was so nice to hear his voice. Unfortunately, he didn’t sound particularly happy with life in general. This is too bad. Actually, to be honest, I am torn on this. I want him to be happy and have a good life (and this desire causes me to curse at myself sometimes. Please refer back to where I wish I could be angrier.), but I also want him to be unhappy without me. I want him to want me back.
Now when we parted ways, I indicated that I didn’t know if I could ever trust him if he came back. I told him this. I told him he could never come back because he would have ruined the trust and friendship between us. But now, here’s the thing – I don’t care. I deserve to be happy, and he is what makes me happy.
After hearing his voice on the phone and our short, somewhat awkward conversation, I slept so wonderfully. The next day, most of my smiles were genuine. I found myself half-smiling at nothing in particular.
I want him back in my life. I deserve to be happy, and if having him in my life makes me happy, screw the pride I am supposed to have.
A confession that doesn’t really need to be confessed at this point since it is so obvious: I am still in love with him. I want to feel his hand in mine and see his smiling face across the table from me. I want to laugh with him and play games with him. I want to share my day with him, and I want to hear everything about his day.
I understand that this probably won’t happen. I understand that he may never again be romantically interested in me.
A Proposition: If we can’t be together, maybe we can still be friends. This will probably cause me pain, but I am already in pain. Maybe if I can still have him in my life in some capacity, things will be better.
The thing is, I need to know when to call it quits. Maybe he shouldn’t be part of my life at all anymore, although I don’t see how that can be possible. He was my family. He was the person closest to me. He was the only person I could be entirely me all of the time with. How do you cut that out? How do you pretend that doesn’t exist?
But with the love portion, where do I call that quits? I already have a ridiculously stubborn streak that has gotten me into trouble in the past. There are things I should have quit, but I didn’t. Of course, it caused issues in my life for a time, but I don’t really regret trying to stick it through. I prefer to know I didn’t quit. I prefer to know I didn’t settle, but I put up a fight. Can this – should this – be applied to love?
How long and hard do I fight? It is difficult to say, since I am not even sure I should fight. Perhaps we can be friends. It might be worth a try.
But I want so much to be happy.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Roosters, Honkers, and Movies on Barns
So in preparation for my upcoming move to the marvelous city of Rochester, MN, I have been doing some serious research. Naturally, I will be looking to make friends, preferably ones with super lame interests like myself. That way I won't feel really self conscious when I seriously (and quite enthusiastically) suggest going to see the Roosters play.
http://www.olmstedhistory.com/roosters/roosters.html
The Roosters are apparently a base ball (space intended) team that plays by the rules of the games in the 1860's and plays in really awesome period uniforms. They use bats and balls similar to the times, and admittance is 2 bits (or 25 cents)! Unfortunately, their season is wrapping up right now, but you can bet I will constantly be attending these events next year! I need to find myself a base ball enthusiast to attend with me!
Something else that looks really exciting is the 30 minute Mayo Carillon concerts. I can only imagine that it is very exciting and loud, and I need someone who is interested in large belles to attend with me. I would not be adverse to my carillon companion being the same as my Roosters companion.
Also, they appear to be showing movies on the side of a barn, which seems to combine three things I like. First, it includes movies such as "Ghostbusters" and "Back to the Future III". Second, it reminds me of the Montreal Film Festival, which I always enjoyed. Lastly, It takes place on the side of a barn. I am the kind of person that would go alone to this, but It is always nice to hav someone along to make comments about the movie to. I'm thinking I will bring popcorn.
My apartment backs up to Honkers field, and that means I can watch collegiate baseball from my bedroom window during the summer. This is very exciting. It also means I need to remember to close the blinds so I don't accidentally flash a stadium full of collegiate baseball fans. That would be bad.
Another event near my home is the Peace Plaza downtown where there is a farmer's market and live music on Saturdays. A Rochester website also promises me some sort of winter market, although I am unsure what that would include. Maybe it is things like Sugar Shacks (maple syrup on the snow), snow cones, and the like. I'll have to make sure to do some more research.
http://www.olmstedhistory.com/roosters/roosters.html
The Roosters are apparently a base ball (space intended) team that plays by the rules of the games in the 1860's and plays in really awesome period uniforms. They use bats and balls similar to the times, and admittance is 2 bits (or 25 cents)! Unfortunately, their season is wrapping up right now, but you can bet I will constantly be attending these events next year! I need to find myself a base ball enthusiast to attend with me!
Something else that looks really exciting is the 30 minute Mayo Carillon concerts. I can only imagine that it is very exciting and loud, and I need someone who is interested in large belles to attend with me. I would not be adverse to my carillon companion being the same as my Roosters companion.
Also, they appear to be showing movies on the side of a barn, which seems to combine three things I like. First, it includes movies such as "Ghostbusters" and "Back to the Future III". Second, it reminds me of the Montreal Film Festival, which I always enjoyed. Lastly, It takes place on the side of a barn. I am the kind of person that would go alone to this, but It is always nice to hav someone along to make comments about the movie to. I'm thinking I will bring popcorn.
My apartment backs up to Honkers field, and that means I can watch collegiate baseball from my bedroom window during the summer. This is very exciting. It also means I need to remember to close the blinds so I don't accidentally flash a stadium full of collegiate baseball fans. That would be bad.
Another event near my home is the Peace Plaza downtown where there is a farmer's market and live music on Saturdays. A Rochester website also promises me some sort of winter market, although I am unsure what that would include. Maybe it is things like Sugar Shacks (maple syrup on the snow), snow cones, and the like. I'll have to make sure to do some more research.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Another New Chapter
So I am about to begin yet another new chapter of my life. Squeaky and I will soon be moving down to Rochester to a fabulous new apartment a mere 4 miles away from my first teaching job. I am pretty excited.
Things have been a bit rough for a while, but I am hoping Rochester will bring good things for me. I lost my best friend, and I miss him every minute of every day, but maybe a change of scenery will help with that. I've been unemployed for the summer, but that is soon to change as I will be officially working for the Rochester Public School system at the end of this month. I have been living with my parents for quite some time, and I love my parents very much, but I really need a place of my own. Luckily, I have a new, fabulous apartment that overlooks a baseball field and is right by the river. I can walk to the farmer's market, which should be really super exciting.
Packing is a bit of a pain in the neck, but I think it is getting done alright. Many people have stepped up to help me, and I have purchased some awesome used furniture, which will look very nice in my apartment. The manager of my building called this morning, too, and said she but in a new stove. She apologized for it being olive green, but I think that will add character. I mean, sure, every other thing in my kitchen is a very bold color, but I think the green will bring out the color in Squeaky's eyes!
Naturally, if you'd like my new address, I'd be more than happy to share it with friends. Also, I am pretty excited for a constant stream of visitors once I get settled.
Things have been a bit rough for a while, but I am hoping Rochester will bring good things for me. I lost my best friend, and I miss him every minute of every day, but maybe a change of scenery will help with that. I've been unemployed for the summer, but that is soon to change as I will be officially working for the Rochester Public School system at the end of this month. I have been living with my parents for quite some time, and I love my parents very much, but I really need a place of my own. Luckily, I have a new, fabulous apartment that overlooks a baseball field and is right by the river. I can walk to the farmer's market, which should be really super exciting.
Packing is a bit of a pain in the neck, but I think it is getting done alright. Many people have stepped up to help me, and I have purchased some awesome used furniture, which will look very nice in my apartment. The manager of my building called this morning, too, and said she but in a new stove. She apologized for it being olive green, but I think that will add character. I mean, sure, every other thing in my kitchen is a very bold color, but I think the green will bring out the color in Squeaky's eyes!
Naturally, if you'd like my new address, I'd be more than happy to share it with friends. Also, I am pretty excited for a constant stream of visitors once I get settled.
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