I'm So Happy Playlist

Things are looking pretty good right now, even though I still don't have a contract for next year, yet.  Still I am feeling pretty confident about work, and I know I am good at my job. That doesn't mean I am not feeling a certain amount of stress about the whole thing. It just means I am stressed out but in a good way.

In other news, the new (and unfortunately more expensive than the old) asthma meds are working. Sure, I'm a little extra jittery and have trouble focusing from time to time, but I can take a deep breath without pain. Also, I ran - ran - up the stairs today, and still had energy to do a little jumping around dance. After all of that, I still wasn't out of breath. That, my friends, is pretty awesome.

In other other news, a nice, funny, intelligent, cute, etc. gentleman has voluntarily kissed me more than once.

So below is my "I'm So Happy" Playlist. Unfortunately for you, it seems being involved with someone romantically kind of makes me like some stupid music. In any case, I'm feeling good, and you should feel good, too.

I’m So Happy – Hokus Pick

Alright. I know this is a Christian pop/rock group, but I don’t care. I like this song, ok? Get off of my back! Geez! It is very happy, upbeat, and sounds like the best day ever. One line is, “Free food inside!” You know how I feel about food. Plus, the title of this ditty and the refrain explain how I feel right now pretty well. I am so happy.

I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred

Because I am so happy, it has made me a little goofier. I feel more confident and silly. This means that sometimes when I am at home, I put on this song really loud and sing along while doing really exaggerated and made-up model moves, faces, and poses. Luckily, I have so far remembered to close the blinds before these performances, but Downstairs Neighbor is probably wondering what is going on up here. Not that hearing “I’m Too Sexy” with a lot of footsteps is probably the weirdest thing he hears coming from up here.

Come Fly Away – Jeremy Fisher

Just like “I Can Change” by LCD Soundsystem, this particular song was introduced to me on the radio. Since there is about one and a half radio stations here, and they apparently each only are allowed to play three songs at any given time, whenever I do listen to the radio, I am brainwashed into liking music I wouldn’t otherwise have sought out. “Come Fly Away” is very upbeat and very easy to sing along with. It really isn’t anything amazing or innovative, but it is definitely a happy song and has been very successful in raising my spirits even higher. This one is a good one to listen to in the morning when at the stoplight at the intersection of 3^rd and highway 14. Trust me.

You Really Got Me – The Kinks

First of all, The Kinks are just awesome, and this song is just awesome. This song is a good one to blast and sing at the top of your lungs – practically screaming – while dancing as much as possible in the car on the way to work. You can do this routine on the way to work if you’d like, but I personally need something a little more relaxing on the way to work these days. I need to save my energy.

Never Let You Go – Third Eye Blind

This song brings me back. Right now I am at the point in my life where I can’t tell if I am a real adult or not. This means I don’t know if I am old or young right now, and I am constantly receiving conflicting information from the world. All of that aside, though, this song is fun to sing in kind of a falsetto voice, and it is absolutely necessary to know all of the words, including during the speaking (rap?) part. You might want to sing the guitar part, too, when there is no vocal part.

Oh, Boy! – The Crickets

Fantastic song. Period. This is one of those songs I can listen to six times in a row and not be bored. 

Spirit In The Sky – Norman Greenbaum

A song that has stood the test of time and proven its awesomeness time and time again, “Spirit In The Sky” is, quite simply, fantastic. I personally enjoy singing this song when driving around and running errands. Naturally it needs to be played very loudly so all the other cars around you who aren’t cool enough to be listening to music can tell what you are listening to inside your car. Also, you need to sing Mr. Greenbaum’s part as well as the backup singers’ parts, and for added emphasis, you should probably wave your arms around in the air a lot. 

In The Summer Time – Mungo Jerry

Right now, in case you haven’t noticed, it is summertime in Rochester, so this song just seems fitting. This song is very fun, despite the part about, “If her daddy’s rich, take her out for a meal. If her daddy’s poor, just do what you feel.”  Does she not get any say in these summertime dating activities? Also, I’ll admit that I rarely listen to the whole song. While it is only 3:33, it sometimes feels at least twenty times as long. Still, the opening is happy enough and lends itself well to silly dancing that I recommend it and probably listen to the first minute or so a couple of times a day.

Faster – Matt Nathanson

I will admit that I got this song free from Starbucks. One day after work but with still several things to do that evening, I broke down and bought a fluffy coffee at Starbucks and I got a free iTunes playlist which was pretty exciting. For some reason, this is my favorite song on the list, and I listen to it quite often. It makes me kind of want to dance and sing and smile, which I think is the point.  After about the thirteenth listen or so, even though I could sing along, I actually started thinking about the lyrics. Depending on how you think about it, this could be a very dirty song. This actually makes me like it even more.

I Want You To Want Me – Cheap Trick

I’ve always liked this song. I have mentioned more than once here, too, that it is very fun to say the lyrics to your friends in a very serious voice while putting your hand on their arm and making pleading eye contact. If your friends are as amazing as mine, they will play along.

Hey! Baby – Bruce Channel

I have liked this song since we played it in pep band in high school. The fact that it is in the movie Dirty Dancing earns it another thousand points, so it is very high on my personal list of good songs. When I sing along either by myself or if other people that were in my high school band are around, I like to add the “Ooh! Ah!” part, even though it isn’t in the recording. “Hey! Baby! (Ooh! Ah!) I wanna know-ow-ow if you’ll be my girl!”

Don’t Bring Me Down – ELO

Bruce? Gruss? Who cares? Hey, guys, don’t bring me down, ok? Oh-whoo hoo!

Lov3r – Kyle Andrews

I’m not really sure how I started listening to this song, but I don’t regret it. I kind of get a kick out of it because I actually saw the title the day after I had a discussion with Mr. Sturm about using numbers for letters in writing.  Also, the name of the album is “Kangaroo” which is pretty great.

Blister In The Sun – Violent Femmes

I was shocked – SHOCKED – to discover that my 13 year old sister had not heard this song prior to me blasting it at her in the car on the way home from one of her swim meets. Where did my parents go wrong?

“Let me go on! Like a blister in the sun!” That is some vivid imagery. Can’t you imagine a blister in the sun? Think about it. It sounds so gross, but wonderful. This song is another full-body-dancing-in-the-car-don’t-care-that-the-guy-in-the-truck-next-to-you- is-staring-and-the-lady-next-to-you-is-laughing songs.

I Can't Even Re-Read This To See If It Makes Any Sense

I'm on this new asthma medication that is apparently the Superman of all inhalers. My doctor affectionately called it "The New Kid on the Block", which immediately made me think of the concert my friends recently went to as well as the cartoon "Hey, Arnold!" I have absolutely no idea why that cartoon popped into my head. I don't think I've watched it in years.

But I'm on this new medication, on top of a couple of other ones, and I can really tell that this is some strong stuff. Two or three times a day I am supposed to use the peak flow meter and then graph my L/minute. I've been hovering below the 400 mark for a while, even though I should be closer to 500. Twenty-four hours after starting with this new inhaler, I am up to about 450. Holy Moly, right?

Unfortunately, there seems to be some sort of side effect. Oftentimes I joke about having adult onset ADD, but much like the summer I was on Advair and prednisone and a million other things, I feel totally wired. I'm all jittery and have a hard time focusing. Today at lunch with a friend, I got a little over excited about what we were talking about, and my hand started to shake a little. Whoa.

I baked two different kinds of cupcakes today (half batches). Neither of the cupcakes turned out great, although they are edible, so it is alright. Maybe it would be better if they were gross, though, because then I would just get rid of them instead of trying to feed sub-par but edible cupcakes to my friends tomorrow.

It was all I could do, however, to stop making food. My friends don't really want a pot roast and cheesy potatoes with glazed carrots tomorrow. We'll probably just order pizza. I was really tempted though.

While I was making the two different kinds of cupcakes, I was also planting flowers and doing the dishes. Every actual productive project around the house (such as laundry or cleaning the bathroom), it was like I forgot why I was doing it in five seconds and wandered off.

Having conversations has been interesting today, too. I can tell that I am talking faster than normal and not stopping for punctuation, but I can't really help it. I feel my eyes darting around as people talk to me, but again, I can't seem to focus. Linnea was just on the phone with me, and she laughed at me because I just could not stick to a topic.

It is kind of funny, although this could really be bad at work on Monday. I need to speak slowly and not get distracted to easily. I need to be able to switch in and out of subject matter easily, and I NEED TO FOCUS! The kids are going to think I'm insane. I mean, they already think I'm crazy, but now they're going to think I need to be institutionalized.

Sure, it is nice being able to take a nice deep breath, but will this jittery, distractable behavior eventually subside? I certainly hope so because......

What's that?


Is that a dead bug? A dead bug in the windowsill?

I've got to see this up close. Maybe I should get a kleenex? I wonder if the cat killed it or if it died of old age? How long do bugs like that live, anyway? That is a big bug! How did it get in? I sealed up all the spaced around the air conditioner. Where's the cat? There she is. What's she sniffing like that for. I should make a roast. People like roasts. And apple pies. That's what the boys in the war like. WWII, anyway. I saw Captain America......

Late Night Thoughts

Tonight I went to the county fair and I saw an Eagle Owl up close! He flew, strutted around, and hooted at us! He was really cool, and I think his name should be Frank.

Here is an Eagle Owl. This is not the same one I saw.



Also, this is a good song.



Eh? Eh?

But it is nearly 11pm on a school night, and I need to be alive, awake, and enthusiastic for work tomorrow. Because I am crazy, I thought it would be a good idea for our group to tag along with another group to Oxbow Park and Zollman Zoo. It should be a fun day. We're having a picnic.

Update On My Exploration of Southern Minnesota

On June 6th, I made my goals for this summer concerning my exploration of Southern MN public. I am embarrassed to say that I did not accomplish much (only visiting Trout Run) between June 6th and July 22nd, but things are really starting to pick up now. I will blame my work schedule and the state shutdown for my month and a half dry spell.

The following is the list I previously shared, and now I can start crossing things off! This is very exciting!

1. Mystery Cave, Forestville State Park, Preston
• I went here yesterday with Mr. Sturm and had a wonderful time. We went on a one hour tour with one other couple and a family with two young boys. The park ranger who gave the tour was very knowledgeable and explained things very well, in my opinion. Also, I was impressed with their lighting and walkway system they have installed for the one-hour tour trek and how little it detracts from the natural beauty and artifacts of the cave. We saw a bat, and little, tiny white insects named springtails. Concerning the insects, however, the guide could have been pulling our legs and simply telling us those white specks in the water were insects. We really couldn't get close enough to see. So, in conclusion, Mystery Cave was a success, and it gets a recommendation from me!
2. Niagra Cave, Harmony
• After Mystery Cave and a detour to downtown Preston, MN and Lanesboro, Mr. Sturm and I continued on the Niagra Cave in Harmony, MN. While Mystery Cave is part of a state park, Niagra Cave is privately owned. The cave itself was really very cool, but you could tell it wasn't as well taken care of as Mystery Cave. Also, the tour guides did not seem nearly as knowledgeable as the park rangers at Mystery Cave, but that is to be expected. Niagra Cave, unlike Mystery Cave, had a lot of running water. We went to go see the 60 foot waterfall, and it really was something else. The view of the waterfall was from above, but it was still something to behold. All through the cave tour, you could hear the running water, and the water dripped down on us from above. Unlike Mystery Cave, the ceilings were generally taller at Niagra Cave, and it seemed like most of the time, the roof was about 70 feet above us, although the passageways were much narrower. Niagra Cave had two themes for their cave, it seemed. The theme acknowledged by our guide was one of love and marriage. The one I saw as a trend but was not formally labeled was what I like to call, "Things That Are Gonna Getcha!" For the love theme, there was a little chapel in a room that looked like it had a steeple, a formation that looked like a veil, a wedding cake, the Titanic, and a high heeled shoe. There was also a rock that used to be called The Kissing Rock, I guess, where they let people go up and kiss on it, then if they got down safely, they were supposed to live happily ever after. In my opinion, the way it was described, this also ties to the  "Things That Are Gonna Getcha!" theme which also included skeleton hands, crocodile heads, and claws. Overall, I would recommend, but only if you also go to Mystery Cave.
3. Downtown Lanseboro
•  Everyone is always telling me how great Lanesboro is, but I don't really see it. My favorite part was the spoon shop where the guy makes wooden spoons by hand. One of the spoons stood up and looked like a dog, with the spoon part as the head. He also made crazy little creatures out of dried walnuts and other odds and ends. Perhaps if I went back to Lanesboro and did more of their active things, such as kayaking or tubing, it would be a more enjoyable experience. Of course I had a nice time anyway, but part of that was the company I was keeping.
4. Mayowood Mansion, Rochester
5. Zollman Zoo and Oxbow Park,  Byron
• Scheduled for Wednesday.
6. Trout Run, Fillmore County (Chatfield)
• Very cool. Probably infinitely more cool if you are into fly fishing.
7. Spam Museum, Austin
8. Honkers game, Rochester (I can see them from my yard!)
• Other Ivy and I just went to go see the game this afternoon. We both got in for free because it was active transportation day, and we both used our bodies instead of cars to get there. That was pretty exciting. The weather was nicer today than it has been the past week. There was  a slight breeze, so that helped us feel as if maybe, just maybe, this blasted heat wave is on the way out. The Honkers played the Thunder Bay Cats and won! YAY!!!! I definitely recommend a Honkers game if you enjoy baseball.
9. Roosters game, Rochester
• Scheduled for Saturday.

So I have accomplished five things on my list of nine, and have two more scheduled for this week. It seems that perhaps, against all odds, I may actually complete my list for exploring Southern Minnesota!

Results of the "Forced Sports Watching" Survey

A while back, I asked you to imagine what you might think is an unlikely situation. I asked you, if you were kidnapped by some crazy person who was going to force you to watch sports for six hours straight or else, but they allowed you to choose the sport, what sport would you choose? Even for people who like sports, I think six hours straight can be a bit excessive. The results are as follows:

If you had to watch a sport on television for 6 hours straight (or else), which would you choose?

Baseball	(14%)
Cricket	(0%)
American/Canadian Football	(14%)
Soccer	(28%)
La Crosse	(0%)
Gymnastics	(0%)
Basketball	(14%)
I would rather deal with the "or else" part of the threat.	(28%)

As you can see, as many people chose soccer as claimed they would rather face the "or else" part of the threat. I a not surprised that cricket and la cross received zero votes, but I am confused that no one chose gymnastics. I know people that do actually watch gymnastics for hours and hours on end when the Olympics are on.

Swimming was not included in the survey because, let's be honest, swimming is boring. And I say that with the utmost respect for the sport and as someone who attends swim meets for her little sister. Perhaps figure skating should have been included, though.

It's SO Hot That.....

The following statements are modeled after "Yo' Mama!" jokes, except they aren't jokes, they are true, and I can say the following sentences as a little white lady without being beaten up or given weird looks.

It is SO hot that.....

• I have an ice pack shoved down my shirt.
• even sitting in front of the window air conditioner, my clothes are wet with sweat.
• I want cupcakes but refuse to turn on the oven.
• I've gone to the fridge several times just to browse.....but really to feel the cool air.
• the condensation on the linolium at work actually splashed onto my legs as I walked across the floor.
• my glasses fogged up as soon as I left my air conditioned car.The heat literally blinded me.
• I left my lunch dishes in my car while I volunteered this evening, and the remaining eggplant Parmesan baked and crusted onto the sides of the pan and the lid popped off. Now my car smells like burnt eggplant parm.
• I am actually wondering, sanitary issues aside, how long it would take to cook cupcakes in my car in the garage.
• school is canceled tomorrow due to extreme heat and unsafe conditions in our building.

This Past Weekend's Headlines

Midnight Showing of Harry Potter 7 in 3-D
Card Games played in Theatre Lobby


Harry Potter 3-D at the Imax!
2nd Viewing in 24 Hours

Pedicure Leaves McDougalhopper with Pretty Toes
Colored "Cajun Shrimp"


McDougalhopper v. Sturm Board Game Showdown
McDougalhopper Sweeps!


Black-Necked Stilts Make Visitors Laugh
MN Zoo Trip Success*

Human Chess Battle in Dinkytown
Legion Prevails!+

Uncle Celebrates Birthday
Kentucky Fried Chicken and Cake Consumed by All

Cousin Begins to Speak!
"Pirates, Attack!" Heard More Than Once

Apartment Cleaned
Other Residents Displeased with Length of Time Vacuum Ran

*
+ Information on Human Combat Chess Here

*Last day to vote on the poll! If you absolutely had to, which sport would you watch on television for 6hours non-stop? Vote now!*

Hot! Hot! Hot!

I am a northern girl who loves the seasons and prefers cold weather to hot. Unfortunately, right now at 5:30 in the evening, according to my local weather people, it is 92.5 degrees Fahrenheit but feels like 112. What is that? This is not ok! And so I am sitting in my underwear as close to the window air conditioner as possible, sweating profusely. In fact, when I get up to move, I will probably leave a puddle of sweat. Yuck. That's kind of gross.

This video with music by Buster Poindexter makes being hot seem like more fun than it really is. Below are ways to cool down on hot, gross, Minnesota days like this. Most of them should be done in your home, and you probably don't want other people around. Just sayin'. For you normal folks out there, I'll throw in some "normal" ways to stay cool.

1. Don't go outside.
2. Sit as close to the window air conditioner or fan as possible.

3. Leave the house and go somewhere like Starbucks or the mall where the air conditioners keep everything a frigid, slightly uncomfortable 55 degrees Fahrenheit. Buy yourself a milkshake or iced coffee or something along those lines.

4. Fill the slip covers or your couch with bags of frozen vegetables (peas and corn work best). Sit on the couch in your underwear, possibly with another bag of frozen vegetables on your forehead.

5. Fill a bathtub with cold water. Empty all your ice trays into the tub. Get in.

6. Drink lots of water.

7. Buy and freeze fruit such as pineapple, strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. Once frozen, place these fruits in a metal bowl and hold in your lap. Stick whole pieces of frozen fruit in your mouth and try to eat them. This is most enjoyable if you are sitting on your couch filled with frozen vegetables that you have placed as close as possible to the window air conditioner.

You are of course encouraged to mix and match any of the above for maximum coolness and/or enjoyable-ness. Any other ideas?

Attack of the (Probably) Killer Fly!

When I got home this evening, there were two rather large, kind of green flies living in my apartment. I expect they got in through the little openings around my window air conditioner. It is my intent to get packaging tape or something and totally seal those cracks up, but so far I have forgotten to buy packaging tape at every single available opportunity.

Now, as you may remember, I am insane. I am just absolutely crazy. My crazy runs deep and reaches into many aspects of my life, so I'm never really free of my own insanity. One particular aspect on my crazy that impacted my evening was that I don't like to kill things. I dread running over an animal in the road, from now on refuse to put out mouse traps, and I don't even like killing insects that have found their way into my home. It isn't that I can't deal with the dead animal. No, I can dispose of a mouse that has passed on to the big cheese in the sky, flush a fish that is now swimming in the pond around God's feet, or vacuum up the tiny, crunchy carcasses of Asian lady beetles that seem to have committed mass suicide in my window sill.

My problem lies only with the actual killing of the animal or living thing. This is why, when there are bugs, I either tend to ignore them and let them live out their life, shoo them away from me, or stalk them in my home, armed with a facial tissue with the intent of throwing them out the door to live the remainder of their lives in nature. I especially feel that spiders should be saved and released to the wild, but this general non-killing procedure extends to all other insects and the occasional mouse as well.

So as soon as I got home and heard and saw these two enormous green flies buzzing around the apartment, I put down my purse and armed myself with a Target brand facial tissue. The first fly was pretty easy to catch. It kept throwing itself against the window in the living room, so I just stood there for a few seconds, then covered it in the tissue, scooped it up, wrapped it up, opened the window, and shook it out. The fly happily buzzed away, probably thanking me for its new found freedom.

The second fly was much more athletic than the first fly. Instead of picking one spot on one window to repeatedly bounce off of, this second fly - from now on to be referred to as Malicious Taunting Fly - chose what is probably considered a better survival technique where it moved around a lot. After maybe ten minutes (my particular brand of crazy has made me quite patient), I stood still and listened. Deciding that Malicious Taunting Fly had grown tired and would be quiet for the rest of the evening, I shrugged and went about my business. In my head, I told myself that Malicious Taunting Fly would probably slip right back out the way he came in.

But it was not to be so. Little did I know this was just the beginning of a long, epic battle between crazy woman and non-threatening insect much, much smaller than her.

After a while of going about my business, I continued my evening festivities by putting on my pajamas and brushing my teeth. Because I live alone and because, despite the window air conditioner, it is approximately 300 degrees Fahrenheit in my apartment at any given time, I will admit that I don't sleep in much. So there I am, lounging in my pajamas on the couch, reading a Percy Jackson book without my glasses (just holding the book rather close to my face), when I hear it.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! buzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Malicious Taunting Fly is flying laps from the wall where my head it to the lamp and back again. I squinted one eye and watched it for a couple of laps, then stood up to retrieve my bug-catching tissue. As soon as I stood up, Malicious Taunting Fly disappeared. Just to be sure, I held very still for a long, long time (probably like 15 seconds or something ridiculous like that), then threw myself back onto the couch.

No sooner had I again become engrossed in the hijinks of half-blood Percy Jackson and his friends Annabeth, Grover the satyr, and Tyson the cyclops, than Malicious Taunting Fly begins flying frantic laps again. It was like Malicious Taunting Fly thought he was in the Indy 500 or something. It was crazy and noisy, and I would stand for it no longer.

Even though when I stood up again, Malicious Taunting Fly stopped, I waited. My patience paid off when he started flying laps again. I began trying to capture Malicious Taunting Fly without killing him.

Let me just say that it is more difficult that you would think to catch a crazy, psycho fly that won't land without killing it using only a tissue. Malicious Taunting Fly had me running all over the living room, climbing on furniture, and trying to set little traps. I discovered he liked the lamp, so I sat in wait, hand poised, to catch him should he land on the lamp. I climbed onto the armchair to try to reach him when he crawled on the crown molding. I opened the blinds so he couldn't hide behind them, allowing anyone walking in front of my apartment to view the Crazy Fly Catching Show.

Still none of this worked. Malicious Taunting Fly continued to fly at practically light speed in circles around the living room. That's when I got the brilliant idea that if I could just stun Malicious Taunting Fly then I could scoop up the little guy in his second of immobility and throw him outside. I began swatting at him, trying to hit him hard enough to knock him to the ground but not hard enough to kill him.

Unfortunately for me, however, Malicious Taunting Fly is some sort of mutant un-stunnable fly. When my causing-head-trauma plan didn't work, I took a deep breath and told myself I could move on. I decided I could be the bigger person and let the fly live out the rest of its life annoyingly buzzing in frantic circles relentlessly around my living room as if it were always hopped up on cocaine. How long do flies live, anyway? It is my understanding they don't live very long.

Half content with my decision, I laid back down on the couch and turned off the light. I decided to watch an episode of The Office on my computer before going to bed. As I started to relax, Malicious Taunting Fly flew at my computer screen and just started walking around. I stood up to retrieve my discarded tissue, and Malicious Taunting Fly just started flying at my face. When I put my hands up to protect my face, Malicious Taunting Fly began pummeling my torso. He flew at me again and again, bouncing off of me, all the while buzzing louder than I think flies are supposed to be able to buzz.

That's when I knew Malicious Taunting Fly was intentionally, and with malice, going out of his way to mess with me.

Malicious Taunting Fly started taking a promenade on my screen again, so I reached for a tissue. I briefly considered killing him, but I didn't want fly guts all over my computer screen, and also, I spent so much time already trying to get him out alive, killing him now would make all that other time seem like just a bunch of time wasted by a mentally unstable crazy person. After a moment of hesitation, I slowly tried to gently scoop him off the computer screen and wrap him up.

And that stupid Malicious Taunting Fly flew off.

When he came back, however, I was ready for him. I scooped him up in the tissue without a millisecond of hesitation and wrapped another tissue around for good measure. As I walked as quickly as I could for the door, I could feel Malicious Taunting Fly buzzing and flipping out inside his tissue cocoon. He was angry, and I knew that if he managed to escape, he would kill me with his little fly ways.

Panicking ever so slightly, I flung open the balcony doors and threw Malicious Taunting Fly - tissue cocoon and all - outside and slammed the door. I peered through the window for about a minute, expecting to see Malicious Taunting Fly emerge from his pillow-soft prison and disappear into the nighttime, but it didn't happen.

For all I know, Malicious Taunting Fly is still inside the house, laying in wait and plotting to kill me in my sleep.

Results of the "Childhood Career Dream" Survey

The results are as follows:

As a child, what did you dream of becoming?

Olympic Athlete	(14%)
President or Prime Minister of your country	(42%)
Professional Musician	(14%)
Stay at Home Parent	(14%)
Movie Star	(0%)
Amazingly Successful Recording Artist	(0%)
World-Renowned Artist	(14%)
None of the Above	(0%)
All of the Above	(0%)

At 42%, I think it is safe to assume that many of you are into politics. Someone wanted to be a stay at home parent when they were little, and to be honest, as a little girl the thought crossed my mind as well. It was never my dream, though. I dreamed of being a world renowned musician.

Instead I am a teacher, and that's pretty cool, too. Alright - It's pretty awesome.

You can of course email me or tell me your answers in person, otherwise, leave a comment telling us all about it. How many of you are still working towards your childhood career dreams? How many of you have changed your goal? What do you do now? Hopefully no one has given up on their ideal career!

Laughing All the Way to Corydon, Indianna

I was introduced to "Rhett & Link: Commercial Kings" by crazy random happenstance this evening. If your not familiar with the whole premise, like past Ivy McDougalhopper, you can learn about their show a little bit here. The gist is they make super awesome local commercials going off of the business owner ideas.

This is the first one I watched, and I was intrigued enough to watch some more. I kind of wish I could go to this car wash. My yellow car could use and Abraham Lincoln right about now.



After that, I watched this one, which I get a real kick out of.



Not only do black and white people work at The Red House Furniture Store, but both black and white people buy their furniture! "At The Red House! Where black people and white people buy furniture!"

Finally, for tonight, the last one I will share with you is Rhett & Links' commercial for an Indianapolis drug store called Butt Drugs.



It is funny every time. EVERY TIME. Probably because I still have the sense of humor of a 7 year old, but whatever. You're going to watch it again right now and laugh yourself silly, aren't you?

Yeah. You're 7 years old, too.

To Do List for Tomorrow (Based on My Horoscope)

Last Thursday I participated in a Tarot Card reading where I learned that my life is full of emotional pain. Apparently I have been hurt too many times, and I have basically lost all of my trust in humanity. One of my friends is trying to help me, but I am so upset and distrustful and emotionally hurt, I want none of it!

This - er - insightful? - reading has inspired me to read my horoscope for tomorrow. Naturally, I turn to the experts at Elle magazine, Cosmo magazine, and Seventeen.

Elle magazine tells me that I should be expecting strong vibes tomorrow, but unfortunately, these don't seem like the "Good Vibrations" the Beach Boys sang about. Part of the horoscope says that "A hater in your circle is aiming the negativity wand directly at you..."Gosh. Those haters always getting me down! The wisdom of Elle suggests I kill them with kindness. After all, "she" is definitely just jealous of how awesome I am.

Cosmo surprisingly gave me nothing. I clicked on my daily love and sex horoscope, and this is what I got. How is that helpful at all? I know that my birthday is between those dates!

Seventeen pulled through for me, though. This quality publication provides me not only with a daily horoscope, but a beauty and love horoscope as well. Tomorrow, according to my daily horoscope, I am "like a hurricane" which means I should clean out my junk drawers apparently. Honestly, I really don't feel like doing that, but if my horoscope out of a trashy teen magazine that equates to true quality literature told me to do it, what choice do I have?

According to my Seventeen beauty horoscope, I need to use moderation and balance when exercising and eating junk food. Apparently, with all the junk I eat, going to the gym twice a week for 90 minutes just isn't cutting it. Little do they know I haven't been to the gym in months and months.

My Seventeen love horoscope is not as promising as I would have liked. It says I need to slow things down. To be honest, if I slow things down any more, I'm pretty sure I'll be going backwards. Instead of starting a relationship, I'll be actively trying to un-know that person. But if that is what Seventeen says needs to happen, so be it.

Because Cosmo failed me so terribly, I decided it was alright to visit horoscope.com or whatever to get a third opinion. Horoscope.com has high hopes for my day, however. Tomorrow - get ready because this is pretty exciting - people are going to come to me for guidance, and the answers to their problems will just come to me. I kid you not, the horoscope used the word "omniscient".

To Do Tomorrow

*Kill haters.....with kindness

*Clean out junk drawers

*Go to gym?

*Cut back on junk food?

*Slow down romantic relationships

*Solve all the world's problems

*Stop reading my horoscope

Further Lessons Provided by "Law & Order: SVU"

As I have mentioned before and will openly admit to in public, I unashamedly enjoy watching the NBC television series "Law & Order: SVU". I love the characters and the outrageous plots. Frankly, I am a little upset (though not at all surprised) that the show is on hiatus as of right now.

I am upset, you see, because for me "Law & Order: SVU" is not just a television show. Oh, no! It is a complete multi-media educational experience. Often, it feeds off of and elaborates on (somewhat, kind of) current events. This means I don't really have to watch the news. If it is important and about rape, murder and rape, sex trafficking, kidnapping, or any of the other special victim crimes, I am sure "Law & Order: SVU" will do some sort of episode on it within a couple of months. And let's be honest - "Law & Order: SVU" is much more entertaining than my local news. I have little to no desire to solve crimes with what's-her-face the evening news anchor, but I frequently stop what I am doing to help out Olivia and Elliot!

Tonight I watched the episode entitled Possessed from the most recent season. As usual, I knew I would learn something. Even if I learned nothing knew, I would be reminded that educated women who live lone and have cats will probably be raped and or killed in their own apartment or possibly in the park.

Oh, crap! I'm and educated woman who lives alone with her cat! It is only a matter of time, my friends.

Anyway, the lesson I learned from Possessed was fairly simple. Being abused, raped, and sexually assaulted really messes a person up. The trauma is never over.

As usual, I will go rock in the corner now after locking all the doors. "Law & Order: SVU" makes it look like this is all there is out there. I'm of the belief, however, that the world is not such a bad place. Plenty of horrible things happen, but the world is mostly good.

How Celebrating My Country's Independence Made Me Uncomfortable

I do a lot of things by myself. I cook, clean, re-arrange furniture, pay my bills, and open jars of spaghetti sauce by myself. Over the past year, I have gone to movies alone, gone shopping alone, and gone out to eat at a restaurant all by myself. I frequently walk by myself, go shopping at the mall by myself, and have even attended dance classes sans partner. This usually doesn't bother me. In fact, I almost prefer going to movies alone now. I like to watch movies on DVD with my friends, but when it comes to the movie theatre, I rarely attend with anyone anymore.

Now I realize this makes me sound kind of lonely, but the truth is actually quite the opposite. I have many friends and family members that I love dearly and see quite often. I have just come to appreciate being alone. I might even go so far as to admit to liking being alone sometimes.

Yes, I wish there was someone with my overly-vocal feline to greet me at the door when I came home. Sure, it would be nice if I could cook for someone other than myself and if I had someone to share my mundane daily thoughts. Of course someday I'd like to crawl into bed next to a significant other and snuggle. But to be honest, right now being alone isn't so bad. It is kind of pleasant. I can walk around in my underwear, not clean up my spill from cooking until after I eat, watch TV guilt free at 3am when I can't sleep, sleep right smack dab in the middle of my bed, and drink the milk right out of the container.

Life is good, and so I have come to enjoy the pleasures of living and doing things alone.

But alas, as I went around the corner to celebrate our country's independence this evening by watching colorful explosives, I began to doubt my security. With no friends in town who were not already with other family or had small children, I decided to walk the 1/2 mile and watch the fireworks by myself. I didn't even think twice about it. Once I got there, I felt confident and full of self-worth for about 10 minutes, and then I started getting a little twitchy.

First of all, I didn't know where to sit. Where were the fireworks going to be exactly? Which trees were going to be in the way? How close could I get to those people? Was someone saving that spot?

Finally, I chose a spot kind of behind a couple with no children and in front of a tree. I felt out of the way there, and it seemed, based on the direction people were facing, like I would have a decent view of the display. I stood for a while, then decided I would feel less conspicuous sitting down. So I sat in the grass, despite being incredibly allergic to grass.

After about two minutes, I chastised myself for being so self-conscious and stood back up. Everyone else was with friends, neighbors, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends. No one else was alone. No one that I could see up and down either side of the river or on my little walk to the edge of the lake looked like they were alone.

Desperately, I began to scan the crowd for people I might know. Were there any colleagues already here with their families? Maybe I could sit with them or at least engage in some friendly banter or pleasant small talk for a few moments? Was that one of my students? I could go check in on the family? But alas I found no one, so I returned to my spot near the tree.

I stayed for the entire fireworks display, and even tolerated the incredibly loud teenagers that eventually came and stood really close to me, drawing a lot of attention to me - the quiet adult sitting all alone in the grass right next to the noisy teenagers using a lot of inappropriate language in close proximity of little kids. They did leave after about five minutes, so that was good.

Isn't it funny, though, that I have no problem eating alone in a busy restaurant - sometimes without a crutch such as a book or crossword puzzle - and even signed up for a second dance class all by my lonesome knowing that most people would show up with partners, however it seems I have an issue attending fireworks displays by myself?

And that is how the 4th of July made me feel socially inept, awkward, and uncomfortable.

On that note, Happy Fourth of July, and a Merry belated Canada Day!