I Live With My Cat

Squeaky, my cat, prances around my apartment like she owns the place. Even though I pay the rent with the money I earn at my place of employment, she seems to think she is the boss. When I come home from a grueling 8-15 1/2 hour day at work and school, I sometimes come home to insistent, not-so-polite demands from a seven pound little fluff ball.

And she can be very persuasive.

On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off. 

This is because I am crazy. It never works.

Evidence this is my apartment

Evidence this is Squeaky’s apartment and I am her slave

·         I pay the bills. ·         There are pieces of furniture obviously intended for human beings in this house. ·         There is slightly more human food than cat food available. ·         The cat does not have keys to get in and out. ·         My stuff is everywhere.

·         I feed the cat before I feed myself. If this is not done in the proper order, I get yelled at. ·         The cat decides when I should wake up. ·         The cat can sit or sleep on my furniture. I am not allowed to sit on hers. ·         She is here all the time, while I am gone probably more than I am here. ·         There are cat toys everywhere. ·         The cat gets the best seat in the house. ·         When sleeping, I sometimes hesitate to roll-over for fear of disturbing the cat sleeping on me. ·         The cat decides when we have conversations. ·         The cat decides when she shall be entertained and when I shall go about my otherwise dull existence.

Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9

Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.