Broken Hearted Playlist

I was feeling particularly blue the other day, and my very wise and wonderful former roommate suggested a song to me. It is a wonderful song that repeats what I have been telling myself for months now. It inspired me to get myself a nice cup of tea and work on a little playlist to make myself feel better.

Here is the playlist so far:

1.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
This was recommended by my fantastic Marty. I love the upbeatness (real technical music term, there. You can tell I studied music.) and how it so precisely speaks to how I feel and how I keep trying to talk to myself to get through it. I whole-heartedly recommend you give this a good listen, especially if you have ever been thwarted by love.

2.“When Will You Love me Again?” – The Magnetic Fields
I used to be a big fan of the Magnetic Fields’ quirky love songs. Their ability to capture just how awkward but wonderful love can be, how sometimes silly and confusing it can be. Now those songs just upset me, and remind me how I am not with him. Luckily, The Magnetic Fields also have a plethora of songs about lost love. The lyrics to this song are often similar to what runs through my head a few times a day, between me telling myself that it might take forever, but things will get better.

3. “Maybe” – Ingrid Michaelson
Because right now I really hope that maybe, someday, in the future, he might come back. Because I still find myself reaching for him some mornings. Because I feel like I am sitting on the pavement, trying hard not to cry. Because right now, his is the last hand I want to hold, but all I can do is continue on and maybe, just maybe, someday in the future, he just might come back.

4.“Maybe” – Janis Joplin
This is another song about maybes, but sung by Janis Joplin, so you really feel it in your gut. Even though he has broken her heart, she says maybe he might come back home. You can feel her pain as she sings about being hurt, but being willing to forget all about it, if only he would come home and talk to her. “Now come on! I said come back! Won’t you come back – come back to me?”

5. “I Thought You Were my Boyfriend” – The Magnetic Fields
This song is kind of silly, and doesn’t really apply to my situation other than he told me that he loved me, but the joke was on me. I thought he was my boyfriend. I thought I was just the girl for him, that we were going to stick together (like glue) forever. I don’t know how long I was strung along.

6.“I Fall to Pieces” – Patsy Cline
Much like Janis, you can just feel Patsy’s broken heart. Unlike Patsy, though, I don’t even get the friendship part. I lost him as lover and friend. Recently I’ve been trying to determine what would be more painful – the way it is now, where he is completely absent, or if I could only have him in my life again, even as a friend. However, like Patsy, I do fall to pieces just a little bit every time I hear his name, every time I am reminded of him, every time I catch myself from telling a story about him or of something we experienced together. Also like Patsy, time seems only to add to the flame. Which is why I have to keep reminding myself that things will get better, and I need to be patient because it just might take forever.

7.“Breakeven” – The Script
When I put my ipod back in its case and put that case in a box in the back of my closet, this song was on the radio quite a bit. Where I used to listen to my ipod back and forth from school and work, I was now stuck with radio, and there seemed to be only this song and the “Soul Sister” song that I absolutely hate, since it reminds me that I am completely resistible. Anyway, “Breakeven” really spoke to me, and I spent many afternoons leaving work with tears welling up in my eyes because what am I supposed to do when the best part of being in love was him? Darn right when a heart breaks it doesn’t break even! And there’s nothing I can say when I’m all choked up and he’s just fine and dandy!

8.“Live and Let Die” – Paul McCartney & WINGS
Well, when I was young, my heart was an open book. I used to say, “Live and let live!” just to random people in Cub Foods. If you know me, you know I did. But then this world is always changing, so I just had to give in and cry, “Live and let die!” Then I started doing some crazy gymnastics in Cub Foods and while taking Henry for a walk through Evermoor. And you know what, what does it matter anyway? When you got a job to do, you have to do it well. You have to give the other fellow hell, because what else can you do with your time? And that's why I yell "Live and let die!" out my car window as I drive by parks where children play.

9.“Won’t Back Down” – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
This has been one of my favorite songs since I was a small child. I like to think it justifies my ridiculously stubborn streak. There are times when I really think I could be stood up at the gates of hell and stick to my guns. Sometimes I don’t even back down when I know I should. When I get a bee in my bonnet, I can’t shake it. And I get tired of being pushed around sometimes. This song doesn’t really apply to being jilted in love so much as it is a reminder to me that Tom Petty says it is ok for me to refuse to back down.

10.“Be OK” – Ingrid Michaelson
There are moments in time when all I want is to be ok. I want that pain in my abdomen to go away. I want to feel like I used to feel, and I want to know that things are going to be wonderful again sometime soon.

11.“Change Your Mind” – Bend Sinister
Bend Sinister, a band I was just introduced to the other day, is making another appearance. This song reminds me that sometimes you do everything, but they still leave, and you can’t change their mind. Again, the music itself is peppy enough so that it gives me a little bit of energy even as it connects with me on the level that I feel a little used and a little bit of a failure. But it reminds me that it may always be on my mind, but it wasn’t my decision. I can’t change his mind.

12. “Crazy” – Patsy Cline
This song made the cut for a few different reasons. Again, you can just feel Patsy Cline’s broken heart. Her pain is my pain. Also, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling crazy myself lately for all the reasons that Patsy sings about.

13.“Por Que Te Vas?” – Los Super Elegantes
I get a kick out of Los Super Elegantes. I like the dance beat and the trumpet. I also really enjoy the matter-of-fact tone they use when asking, “Why did you leave?” It seems less an accusation and more of just a statement as they describe their feeling of loss. Plus, I like that it is in Spanish, even though I can’t speak Spanish.

14.“The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World
Much like “Won’t Back Down”, this song is one that has gotten me through some other rough patches. Never have I had to apply it to something that meant this much to me, but I’m working on it. Just listening to it makes me feel a little better about myself. I appreciate that Jimmy Eat World tries to assure me that it is only in my head I feel this craptacular. While I disagree that I am doing better on my own, I am going to continue being myself – my awkward, crazy, confused, stubborn, ridiculous self with a cornucopia of interesting health issues and an ability to have to struggle through simple, every day activities for no particular reason – even if I think it might not be good enough for someone else. I also like to think that I shouldn’t write myself off just yet, because there is a good possibility that things will work out just fine.

Also, this song makes me dance like a crazy person when no one else is around, so that’s another plus for it.

15.“Piece of My Heart” – Janis Joplin
Just take another piece of my heart! I don’t even care! It may be in pieces right now, but if you come back, you can have it all over again! I loved you then, I love you now, and I don’t regret giving you my heart! So little do I regret it, that I would do it all over again! So, come on! Just take another little piece of my heart!

16.“Things Will Get Better” – Bend Sinister
Yes. I realize that this is the first song on the playlist as well, but that’s where I am at right now. I am hoping things will get better. No - I know that it may take forever, but things will get better.