Because I have pretty vivid dreams which I tend to remember upon re-entering the conscious "real" world, and because I often share these dreams with Mr. Sturm, he decided to help me interpret these nighttime visions and insights. For Valentine's Day, Mr. Sturm bought me "The Dream Dictionary From A to Z: The ultimate a-z to interpret the secrets of your dreams" by Theresa Cheung.
Based on my dream from this morning, I had to look up several different categories including:
Cats
Parents
Home
Storm
Vegetables
Skyscraper
Death/Killing/Assassination
Now, I am not going to detail what happened in the dream. You just get the list of what I looked up, and the following paragraphs concerning the dictionary's analysis of my dream. Using this information, you will see that clearly I am insane and in need of psychological help, but you can also use this as an imagination exercise where you try to decide what actually happened in my dream.
Analysis:
I feel like I need to protect and nurture my feminine sexuality, as well as creativity and power. Somehow, I feel that this is threatened and I must hide and protect it. I seek to gain independence from internalized values, and I feel that authority figures are crushing my creativity and freedom. I worry that my actions have negative consequences on others. I am aware of different facets of my personality and am comfortable exploring and moving from one part of myself to another. Either I feel nourished and a sense of fertility, or I need more vitamins in my diet and my body is begging me to eat more vegetables. Also, there is indication that I have deep, unresolved emotional and psychological health in my waking life.
Unsurprisingly, folks, it turns out I might be crazy.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Special Blend of Eyes and Ears
The Similac Baby Formula commercial that keeps coming up on Hulu makes me laugh. Let us pretend we aren't disturbed that something about my viewing and internet habits indicate that I have a baby, which is why they keep advertising baby formula.
The commercial boasts that Similac has a special "eye and ear blend". Now, I know that the good folks over at Similac probably mean that their formula contains vitamins and minerals that help the development of a baby's eyes and ears, but that is not how it sounds.
I imagine a baby formula made up of a special blend of eyes and ears. Nothing better for baby than powdered eyes and ears mixed with baby formula! Someone (FDA?) should probably go inspect their plant and make sure that I am wrong.
The commercial boasts that Similac has a special "eye and ear blend". Now, I know that the good folks over at Similac probably mean that their formula contains vitamins and minerals that help the development of a baby's eyes and ears, but that is not how it sounds.
I imagine a baby formula made up of a special blend of eyes and ears. Nothing better for baby than powdered eyes and ears mixed with baby formula! Someone (FDA?) should probably go inspect their plant and make sure that I am wrong.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I Live With My Cat
Squeaky, my cat, prances around my apartment like she owns the place. Even though I pay the rent with the money I earn at my place of employment, she seems to think she is the boss. When I come home from a grueling 8-15 1/2 hour day at work and school, I sometimes come home to insistent, not-so-polite demands from a seven pound little fluff ball.
And she can be very persuasive.
On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off.
This is because I am crazy. It never works.
Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9
Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.
And she can be very persuasive.
On multiple occasions now, I have tried to reason with Her Highness. Certainly, I always think (because I am insane), if I clearly describe to this cat why the apartment is obviously mine and when I come home at 10:30pm after leaving for work at 7:00am, maybe I don't want to play, but would rather zone out in front of reality tv on my couch, she'll understand. Certainly, I reason with myself, if I explain to her that I bought this food, it is mine, and could she please stop trying to eat my breakfast cereal while I check my work email, she will back off.
This is because I am crazy. It never works.
Evidence this is my apartment | Evidence this is Squeaky’s apartment and I am her slave |
· I pay the bills. · There are pieces of furniture obviously intended for human beings in this house. · There is slightly more human food than cat food available. · The cat does not have keys to get in and out. · My stuff is everywhere. | · I feed the cat before I feed myself. If this is not done in the proper order, I get yelled at. · The cat decides when I should wake up. · The cat can sit or sleep on my furniture. I am not allowed to sit on hers. · She is here all the time, while I am gone probably more than I am here. · There are cat toys everywhere. · The cat gets the best seat in the house. · When sleeping, I sometimes hesitate to roll-over for fear of disturbing the cat sleeping on me. · The cat decides when we have conversations. · The cat decides when she shall be entertained and when I shall go about my otherwise dull existence. |
Final Score:
Me: 5
Squeaky: 9
Well, I guess I live with my cat, then.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Valentine's Present Anxiety
"Anxiety" is definitely an exaggeration. I am not at all anxious about shopping for a Valentine's Day present for Mr. Sturm. I know he will kindly accept anything I deem appropriate, or anything I end up haphazardly throwing together. So really, I'm not anxious about the purchasing, just the time I have to make said purchase. However "Valentine's Present Anxiety" sounds more interesting than "I'm ever-so-slightly Worried I may not have the Time I Want to Purchase and/or Create an Appropriate Valentine's Present". Wouldn't you agree?
I want to get something special, that ties in his personal interests, shows I put some thought into it, is something no one else will be getting for Valentine's Day, but isn't too ostentatious. Ideally, I would like to make him something, but with work, familial obligations, going to class, and doing homework that comes with that class, I worry I will not have time to finish.
On the off chance he has discovered this, I cannot list the things I am thinking of possibly making/purchasing/combining, but I've got a few half-cocked ideas up my sleeve. If you know me, though, you know that my idea of romance is not of the Hollywood-Movie-Romance genre. If someone loves me, they should show me EVERY day, not just on Valentine's Day. If I am special enough to take to a fancy dinner, we should do it because we want to, not because of social pressure to show that on one particular day of the year we get along real well. If someone wants to get me a present to show they've been thinking of me, I kind of want it as a surprise, not because, again, it is the social norm to give your sweetheart a gift on one particular day.
But, nonetheless, I am romantic enough. And I want to get/make him something special. If you have any ideas, feel free to shoot them my way. Otherwise, sorry for the rather dull post.
The wheels are already turning in my head.....
I want to get something special, that ties in his personal interests, shows I put some thought into it, is something no one else will be getting for Valentine's Day, but isn't too ostentatious. Ideally, I would like to make him something, but with work, familial obligations, going to class, and doing homework that comes with that class, I worry I will not have time to finish.
On the off chance he has discovered this, I cannot list the things I am thinking of possibly making/purchasing/combining, but I've got a few half-cocked ideas up my sleeve. If you know me, though, you know that my idea of romance is not of the Hollywood-Movie-Romance genre. If someone loves me, they should show me EVERY day, not just on Valentine's Day. If I am special enough to take to a fancy dinner, we should do it because we want to, not because of social pressure to show that on one particular day of the year we get along real well. If someone wants to get me a present to show they've been thinking of me, I kind of want it as a surprise, not because, again, it is the social norm to give your sweetheart a gift on one particular day.
But, nonetheless, I am romantic enough. And I want to get/make him something special. If you have any ideas, feel free to shoot them my way. Otherwise, sorry for the rather dull post.
The wheels are already turning in my head.....
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Elementary Humor
A second grader told me the following joke today by the paper towels, then ran away laughing down the hallway.
Your mom is on the toilet!
Needless to say, after I suppressed my own giggle, I had to follow them to talk about what is appropriate for school.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?Mom.
Mom who?Your mom is on the toilet!
Needless to say, after I suppressed my own giggle, I had to follow them to talk about what is appropriate for school.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Really? REALLY?
While driving home from Pizza Hut yesterday with my medium pizza and breadsticks intended only for me (please hold your judgement), I was behind a mini-van for a while. This mini-van had one bumper sticker on it. Between the silhouettes of two naked women, it read:
FBI: Female Body Inspector
This struck me as odd. In fact, it confused me and my brow began to furrow as I tried to think of any possible situation it would be appropriate for the owner of a mini-van to display that bumper sticker.
The only possible reason I could come up with was that the person in the vehicle really was a Female Body Inspector. They have some sort of small business, just getting started which is why I haven't heard about it, inspecting female bodies. The mini-van is the company car, and the bumper sticker is merely a way to identify and advertise for the company.
Otherwise, I find the whole thing completely inappropriate and puzzling.
FBI: Female Body Inspector
This struck me as odd. In fact, it confused me and my brow began to furrow as I tried to think of any possible situation it would be appropriate for the owner of a mini-van to display that bumper sticker.
The only possible reason I could come up with was that the person in the vehicle really was a Female Body Inspector. They have some sort of small business, just getting started which is why I haven't heard about it, inspecting female bodies. The mini-van is the company car, and the bumper sticker is merely a way to identify and advertise for the company.
Otherwise, I find the whole thing completely inappropriate and puzzling.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Because I'm Awesome (#7)
Because I am awesome, I held a first grader's chapstick hostage today. At the end of the day, all students must be lined up in their bus line on the blacktop. No students are allowed to play on the "Big Toy" (which in my day was called a "jungle gym" or "playground") even if they are with their parents. I noticed a little girl playing on the Big Toy and had to try to corral her back to the blacktop. She would not go. So I picked up her chapstick and swore not to give it back to her until she got back in her bus line and then followed the procedure for boarding the bus. For whatever reason, this worked like a charm.
Also because I am awesome, I started the day with my skirt on the right way, around my waist, with the zipper on the left side. By the time I got home this evening it was on backwards with the zipper on the right. To make matters even more interesting, the right side was much higher because somehow the hook had gotten caught up in my sweater. Needless to say, it was tricky getting it off. It should also be noted that I did not notice this even a little bit until I tried to take my skirt off so I could sit in my leggings and t-shirt on the couch to eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese by myself.
Finally, another reason I am a completely awesome person today is that I did a 20 minute yoga routine on the floor while Squeaky flitted between my legs and over me.
Also because I am awesome, I started the day with my skirt on the right way, around my waist, with the zipper on the left side. By the time I got home this evening it was on backwards with the zipper on the right. To make matters even more interesting, the right side was much higher because somehow the hook had gotten caught up in my sweater. Needless to say, it was tricky getting it off. It should also be noted that I did not notice this even a little bit until I tried to take my skirt off so I could sit in my leggings and t-shirt on the couch to eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese by myself.
Finally, another reason I am a completely awesome person today is that I did a 20 minute yoga routine on the floor while Squeaky flitted between my legs and over me.
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