REAL Adults Eat Popcorn for Dinner

Now that the month of January is nearly over, I hear many other adults asking how they have been faring on their New Year's Resolutions. Not having officially made any, it got me thinking. These people have adult resolutions. I work with them, and my age indicates that I am an adult. But am I really?

Let's examine the evidence:

 

I am an adult.

I am not an adult.

·         I go grocery shopping and buy healthy food such as apples, spinach, cheese, and zucchini. ·         I buy (and even ingest) things like Greek Yogurt. ·         I have a full time job with benefits. ·         I drive a car. ·         I have bills, and I pay them (on time!) ·         I can go out to a movie on a Monday night. ·         I can cook, and do so fairly regularly. ·         I own a set of china. ·         I live in a big person apartment all by myself. I even have an “office”. ·         I saw “The King’s Speech” and enjoyed it. ·         Squeaky is a very healthy example of my ability to take care of another living thing. ·         Usually, I eat pretty healthy and consume fruit, vegetables, dairy, and protein on a regular basis.

·         I impulse buy at the grocery store like crazy and usually end up leaving with something like Hostess cupcakes, Peanuts fruit snacks, or Pizza rolls ·         I cannot eat the Greek yogurt unless the texture is completely disguised by copious amounts of granola and fruit. ·         Part of my full time job includes singing silly songs and drawing with crayons. ·         My car is yellow and full of things like pictures done with crayons and other art projects. ·         I like to seal the letter and envelope to my landlord with a Disney sticker every month. ·         And I DO go out to a movie on a Monday night…. ·         But I let the dishes sit in the sink longer than I should. ·         The china was given to me by an older friend who wanted to help me settle into my apartment. She asked what I needed, and I said “cereal bowls”. ·         Sometimes I use my office to draw pictures for school. ·         I also saw “Kung Fu Panda” and loved it. ·         The plants in my kitchen window are awfully sad looking, but I persist in watering them. ·         Sometimes I have popcorn for dinner, ice cream for breakfast, or eat a container of frosting over a less than four day period.

What do you think? Am I an adult? Or am I just an aging child?

Dr. House would judge me

Although it is way past my bedtime, I am nowhere near sleep. For some reason, the stresses and unfortunate news I have received over the past week or two have hit home tonight. I was going about my business just fine, happy as a clam (although I don't know exactly what clams are so happy about all the time), and I was driving home from dance class when suddenly the emotional discomfort struck. What terrible timing since sleep is such a precarious thing for me, anyway.

So I thought I'd have some ice cream and watch something on Hulu. Unfortunately, there was nothing new on Hulu that I wanted to watch. Furthermore, I decided I didn't want ice cream. So I returned the ice cream to the fridge and started popping an obscene amount of popcorn. It was alright that I was being noisy, because downstairs neighbor had (and still has, actually) his TV on pretty loud. I then proceeded to pour an even more obscene amount of melted butter on the popcorn and vigorously apply salt from my bear shaped salt shaker.

New and improved bedtime snack in hand, I returned to the couch to find new entertainment. Dissatisfied with everything on my shelf, I settled for House, season 2. I popped it into the computer and curled up under some blankets on the couch, munching away and handfuls of buttery, salty popcorn.

In the show "House", the medical team often breaks into their patients' homes and try to find possible environmental contaminants. While doing this, they make snide comments and remarks about the patient's lifestyle. In the episode I now have paused, they broke into the home of Dr. Cuddy, the anal-retentive chief of medicine. Her house was impeccable, and yet they found traces of a freaky kind of pneumonia-causing black mold. If they find that in her ridiculously sterile and clean home, what on earth would they find here?

This is Dr. House's face when he walks in the door to my apartment.

 This is his face after the results of all those tests come back. He can't believe what a petri dish I live in.

Currently, there are dishes in the sink, a bag of recycling outside the back door, two abandoned tea cups in the living room, and I think I may have left my tea cup in the bathroom this morning when I went to go brush my teeth. I admit that when I vacuum on the weekends, I don't always get under my bed or couch, so who knows what things could be accumulating down there? And I have not even considered cleaning things like the pipes under the sink! Then there's the whole thing where I have a cat, and there are messes that go along with that, such as plastic mice all over the floor, the occasional tumbleweed of hair, etc. On top of all of this, there is laundry folded on the big, comfy chair, ready to be put away, then dirty laundry on the bathroom and bedroom floor.

All in all, Dr. House is disappointed with me. Look at him judging.

The people in "House" never know that they are going to get sick, which I suppose is fairly accurate. There is no way I can predict if I am going to suddenly develop Lupus, ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency, botulism, or eastern equine encephalitis. Perhaps I need to start cleaning my apartment better. Perhaps I need to re-fashion my current lifestyle to reflect my fear that I will suddenly be struck down by an extremely rare disease and a team of snippy and judgmental doctors will break into my home and go through everything. It is kind of like that thing where you always have to put on clean underwear in case you are in an accident so that the peramedics know that you are a decent, civilized person. Only this is about 5,000 steps further than that in that I need to start scouring and disinfecting my apartment on a daily basis.

This may become a full time job.

Tennis, anyone?

In an attempt to be more social, meet people who don't work for the Rochester Public School System, and meet people in their 20's, I have signed up for another round of community education classes. As I may have mentioned in my last post, one of these classes is swing dancing on Thursday nights, and while I am meeting non-teachers, and I am being more social than if I were staying at home, I am not any closer to meeting potential friends who aren't teachers or people in their 20's. And last week I kind of got groped, so there's that. Still, the next few classes should be fun.

The other class I enrolled in in an attempt to be more social is an adult tennis class. I was rather nervous that everyone else in the class was going to know what they were doing, and I would stand out as the uncoordinated girl who had no business being there. My other fear was that it would be me and middle aged men, which would still make me the uncoordinated girl who had no business being there.

Luckily, (or unluckily?) the entire class is females. Still a little intimidated (especially by the one wearing a real tennis skirt!), I inched out onto the tennis courts and prepared for utter humiliation. When the tall, skinny instructor asked who was a beginner, I leaped at the opportunity to announce my incompetence. One other woman in a pink sweatshirt also waved her racket at the man. Then a woman with wavey hair looked at us and declared that even though she had taken some tennis lessons, she felt more comfortable with the beginners.

The three of us were put on the other court with the shorter, dark haired instructor. He has an accent (possibly English?) and a nice smile, so that makes the time a bit more enjoyable. He also is extremely patient, which is probably why he is teaching us beginners. His name is Mark, and I remember this because he told us his name, then he spelled it for us, which I thought was unusual. The wavey haired lady is also named Ivy. We have the same name, which is how I remember her name. The last lady didn't do anything interesting when telling us her name, plus we don't have the same name, AND no one addressed her by name during the lesson, so I couldn't hear it again. So, for now, we'll call her Pink Sweatshirt.

Pink Sweatshirt and Ivy (the tennis player) both work for Hormel, and they know each other from work. They must have signed up together, because they seemed to know a bunch of women in the more advanced group and, when leaving, told them they'd see them tomorrow. Pink Sweatshirt and Ivy (the tennis player) seem like perfectly nice women who may be close to my age and can be potential friends. We'll have to see how the next four lessons go.

Expecting complete humiliation, I was delightfully surprised by the tennis lessons. With our patient and cute-but-not-too-cute instructor, friendly women at about my level, and small class size, I didn't feel embarrassed by my complete lack of hand-eye coordination at all. Also, we're moving at about a pace I can keep up with, but when we do drills, we don't focus on one thing for too long so that I get bored, feel pressure, or get frustrated. Also, we move around enough that I am getting some exersize and working muscles I don't while dancing and playing with my students, but I didn't have to use my inhaler, pegging me as the geek I am.

All in all, I think this tennis thing is going to be fun.

In other news, the robot song I wrote about in this blog post and said I was going to teach my students has been a big hit! Unfortunately, I am already getting tired of it, and have started to roll my eyes as students beg to sing it again. I need a new song, and fast!

But while looking for new songs for my kiddos on youtube, I instead found this, and I think this is a fantastic video and really hope that some adults somewhere are using this "energizer" in their team meetings!



And OH MY GOSH! This also turned up! AHHHH! What on earth is this? Who made it? Why does it have so many views?



Are you as disturbed and confused as I am?

On that note, the new poll is ready in the top right hand area of my blog. Did you ever read From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler when you were a kid? Did you ever read it again as an adult? Hopefully, the answer to both of those questions is "YES!" So, if you were going to run away, where would you choose to live? Take the poll!

Results of the Chess Records Survey

I apologize for the delay, but you can relax at last. Below are the results of the Favorite Chess Records Artist Survey. Participation was down again, but I think that might be because I chose a more obscure topic.

Muddy Waters         20%
Chuck Berry             20%
Etta James                20%
Howlin' Wolf            40%
Little Walter               0%
Bo Diddley                 0%

I'll admit that I am surprised Howlin' Wolf won. I would have put money on one of the first three being the most popular. Perhaps it is because of Howlin' Wolf's name? This time I will not cast my individual vote as I am not even sure who I would vote for. I love Etta James, but Muddy Waters is a pretty big deal. And where would we be today without Chuck Berry?

In other musical news, I went to the MN Orchestra this weekend and quite enjoyed it. They were performing Mozart's "The Magic Flute". While the singing was in German (with subtitles of course), in this production they translated the speaking parts into English, which  was actually ok. Heart of the Beast Puppet Theatre did the puppets to go along with the show, and they were awesome, if not a little nightmare-inducing, as usual.

The only thing is that I forgot that "The Magic Flute" was so long! It was well done, funny, interesting to watch, and all, but I got home to Rochester rather late, which was too bad. Worth it, though.

I think my favorite Heart of the Beast Puppets would have to be the little woodland dancing animals from the first act. There were two skunks that were dancing that were pretty hilarious. If you would like more information on this particular group, you can visit their website.

Now I am looking for someone to accompany me to the opera this spring. Any takers?

The Last 24 Hours

I have done a lot in the last 24 hours, although it may not seem like it.

*Picked up and wore my new glasses. Only my first graders noticed that I have new glasses, despite the different color and the drastically different style. Not even any of the adults noticed. Or maybe they noticed and they hate them so much, they'd rather not mention them at all....

*Got a new beta fish. He is silver and purple and blue. I also bought him a bright orange plastic plant for his bowl. After spending the night in his cup so that the water in his bowl could come to room temperature, Rosario the fish is now happily swimming around in the front hall.

*Went to Evie's 2nd birthday party. My colleague and friend has the most adorable little girl. I was fortunate enough to get an invitation for her birthday dinner! We had delicious ham soup in bread bowls and lemon cake! Mmm!

*Went to a dance class. In an attempt to be more social and be with people who are not employees of the Rochester Public School District, I am enrolled in more community education classes. I thought swing dancing might even help me meet people in their twenties. While that did not turn out to be true, these people are much more friendly than the folks in the last dance class I took. And they don't mind switching up partners so that I can dance. Also, there are two other single women and one single (I think) guy in the class, so there aren't as many possessive behaviors over partners. There is a pretty awesome guy named Dana who was funny.

*Got kind of felt up. So I haven't been groped or felt up by an adult male in about nine months or so (my first graders have no sense of boundaries. That is a different story, though.) This man was my dance partner for an unreasonably long amount of time, but the instructors kept not calling for partner rotations. He took it upon himself to try to teach me how to get away from a dance partner who was getting too handsy. The beauty of this trick was that he almost had to be too handsy to "teach" me these moves.

*Ate a can of frosting. Oops.

* Went to bed early last night.

*Slept in until 7am this morning. Oops.

*Made ricotta stuffed chicken, which turned out pretty darn delicious, even if it made my kitchen kind of smell like burnt oil. There was nowhere else for me to put the hot pan, and the burners take a long time to cool down, so the oil got a little over cooked.

*Wrote this (pretty lame) blog post.

REMINDER: Vote on the poll! Tell me who your favorite Chess Records artist is! Confused? Need more info? Click here.

Birth Control Cookies

Sometimes I wonder if I need extreme psychotherapy because my dreams are so bizarre. Usually with an actual plot line and complicated twists and turns, my dreams often leave me in a state of confusion for at least the first part of my day while drinking my tea, getting dressed, and driving to work.

Last night I had a dream where I was in some sort of witch and wizardry school and had found the secret to making the best chocolate chip birth control cookies. Most of the dream was me trying desperately to hide the recipe and misleading others about how I actually made these super chocolate chip birth control cookies because obviously in the wrong hands these cookies could be a dangerous weapon.

One of my Baking and Witchcraft teachers had already invented the birth control cookie and was making quite a bit of money off of it. The problem was that it was only 80% effective, and since  the witch and wizard community had apparently never heard of the pill or condoms, they were relatively pleased with this particular percentage. I, on the other hand, had grown up in the real world and knew that we could do better. With only 80% effectiveness, there was still that 20% chance there would be a new, unplanned witchling or baby wizard. So naturally I thought it my duty, even if only a student witch, to go out and make a more effective birth control cookie.

I'm a bit hazy on the details here, but I succeeded. I invented some sort of spell to cast on the vanilla that I put in the cookies, rendering the consumer infertile for exactly 24 hours after ingestion. My chocolate chip birth control cookies were better than my teacher's for a variety of reasons.

1. They worked for exactly 24 hours, and after that you went back to being crazy fertile. (Everyone knows that witches and wizards are insanely fertile. They can get knocked up at the drop of a hat!)
2. Unlike my teacher's 80% effective cookies, mine were 99.9% effective.
3. My cookies worked on male and females, so it didn't matter who ate the cookie.
4. I put twice as many chocolate chips in my cookies.

Now, realizing that I had a superior product, but that my spell could be detrimental to our witch and wizard society if it fell into the wrong hands, I told my teacher that my secret was using twice the amount of chocolate chips and adding a teaspoon of apricot jam to the cookie dough. My teacher must have been a dolt or had apricot jam for her brains, because she happily believed me and even insisted that scientifically, that made sense.

But an evil witch was on to me. She wanted to take my spell and use it to curse all of the vanilla in all of the Hy-Vee's across the land. But unlike mine, her spell wouldn't last for only 24 hours. This evil witch was hoping to make all the witches and wizards she didn't care for completely infertile for all of eternity! Dun-Dun- DUN! Then, she was going to only let her friends and co-conspirators procreate, and soon her bloodline would rule the world!

Think of that power! You could get into a fight with someone, then give them a cookie and pretend you were making up. But soon they would realize that it was a super-chocolate-chip-birth-control-cookie (Let's call it an "infertilzing cookie"), and your bloodline would soon be wiped off the face of the planet!

For this reason, to protect all of witch and wizardom while still providing reasonable birth control to the population, I shared my secret with no one. I made all the cookies myself and had my teacher work the store front, since I was so tired from all that sneaking around and baking. It was a very popular product!

That evil witch was always following me around Hy-Vee, thinking she was so sneaky hiding behind the displays of Ho-Hos and tomato sauce, but I knew she was there. The stress of this life and the burden it placed on me was beginning to be a bit much. The evil witch was spreading rumors and doubt that it was really the extra chocolate chips and apricot jam that was making the cookies successful. She told everyone I had invented a new spell and was holding out on everyone! Of course she was right, but I was really trying to protect the population here.

Then one day, the evil witch cornered me in the back of the baking good aisle at the Rochester South Hy-Vee, and she was making menacing comments, threatening to kill me should I not share my secret with her. Trapped, I didn't know what to do!

Then I woke up because my cat decided to lay down on my face. It is very hard to breath with a cat on your face, even if that cat doesn't have much fur.

Even though it was a ridiculous dream, I don't think that a chocolate chip birth control cookie is that bad of an idea. People might remember better if it was in the form of a cookie. And you could have it as dessert with lunch, and no one would even know! Or you could have a cookie for breakfast every morning. How could that be bad?

Don't forget to vote on the new survey. Confused? Learn more about the artists here.

Results of the "Favorite 2 Person Board Game Survey" and Chess Records Artists

The results are in for the "Favorite 2-person Board Game Survey"! Yay! At last I will know which two person board game my readers prefer! While I chided you on the last survey for your lack of participation, I am pleased to report that this survey had more than double the participants. Still, participation is low, and those of you who aren't voting know who you are.

There is a three way tie for favorite board game, so after I share the results, I will have to cast my vote and see if that changes anything.


Mancala              0%
Othello                0%
Guess Who?       14%
Checkers             0%
Chess                  28%
Battleship            28%
Stratego              28%

To be honest, I am surprised that chess and Stratego tied with Battleship. Don't get me wrong - I love Stratego and continue to play with the set I've had since I was a child, despite the fact that some of the piece are mangled. AnneMarie, our dog when I was younger, munched on a few of them. Chess is a game I just do not enjoy. To cast my vote, I would have to vote for Battleship, making it the honorary winner of this particular survey.

For the next survey, you may need some background. This particular survey is going to ask you about your favorite Chess Records rock and roll artist. Recently, I watched the movie "Cadillac Records" and enjoyed it thoroughly. Then, while driving around Rochester this evening, I was listening to an evening show about the music of Bo Diddly, and it reminded me how much I really like early rock and roll music. Please see below to find out who these people are, if you are not familiar. And if you are not familiar with some of these folks, go and get familiar!

Etta James: Perhaps best known for "At Last", when she broke through onto the pop charts, this young artist with a rough exterior had many songs you should know. You can hear her put her heart and soul into everything she sings.


"All I Could Do Was Cry"



Can't you just feel her pain? Have you ever had your heart broken? Oh, Etta!

"I Just Wanna Make Love to You"


I dare you to listen to that and sit perfectly still.

Willy Dixon: Willy Dixon wrote a lot of music that was later redone by more famous, white artists including, but not limited to The Rolling Stones.

"Spoonful"

Man knew his blues and his bass.

Chuck Berry: Chuck Berry signed with Chess Records in 1955, after chatting with Muddy Waters in Chicago. His career took off, and he had singles at the top of the rock and roll and pop charts. You probably know "Johnny B. Goode" and "Roll Over Beethoven" at least.

"Roll Over Beethoven"


Howlin' Wolf: Nee Chester Arthur Burnett, this man howled like a wolf! His song "Smokestack Lightning" is listed as one of the songs that helped shape rock and roll.

"Smokestack Lightnin'"



Little Walter: Little Walter brought harmonica to the forefront of blues recording. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in March of 2008.

"Juke"


Muddy Waters: You better know who Muddy Waters is! Bringing Mississippi Blues to the Windy City, Muddy Waters was an important Rock and Roll and Blues artist. Even the Rolling Stones were a big fan, and supposedly named their band after one of his songs.

"Rollin' Stone"


Bo Diddley: The man sometimes known as "The Originator" because of his roll in bridging the blues with Rock and Roll. Many of his songs were later remade by artists such as Eric Clapton and The Doors. He also based some of his earlier music on children's tunes including "Old McDonald".

"Who Do You Love?"


So who do YOU love? Choose in the new survey!