He had been watching the later Star Trek movies, so I recommended the fourth one to him. The fourth Star Trek movie (the one with the whales) is by far my favorite. Upon my insistence, he watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Unfortunately, he was disapointed by the cylinder that would only speak to whales. In fact, he said:
"All that for some whales? The alien probe giving off the whale sounds seemed like the cheapest prop ever used for a villain in movie history. It was a cylinder with a glowing sphere."
I find this criticism of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home completely unacceptable. This particular Star Trek movie has few flaws. Nay! - it has NO flaws! It is fantastic.
After awarding this friend a thousand bonus imaginary points and then receiving this inaccurate and faulty review of a clearly fantastic movie, I felt obligated to inform the gentleman that, had he liked this movie, he could have been awarded an additional million billion jillion imaginary points. His response was not one of remorse and regret at his hasty, ill-thought-out critique of an amazing cinematic work of art. He told me that I should be careful about giving away points, because giving away too many will devalue them.
First of all, imaginary points from me are invaluable. They are basically each worth more than 100,000,495,024.493 solid gold bricks. In fact, imaginary points by me are accepted as an international currency. You can go to a bank and tell them how many imaginary points you have from me - it is kind of an "on your honor" system - and they will trade you those imaginary points for copious amounts of any currency you choose. (Might I suggest the Yen? I was listening to NPR today and learned that the Yen is strong right now, and this may cause Toyota some money in the coming year.)
And so I provide you with a list of possible ways to earn imaginary and bonus imaginary points from me. Please know that this is not an exhaustive list, and it is subject to change at my whim.
Way to Earn Points | Possible Points Earned | Comments/Notes |
Liking Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home | One million billion jillion | Must really like this movie and recognize its flawlessness. |
Watching and enjoying Star Trek | One million bonus | Must acknowledge that TNG and the original series are superior to those other spin-offs |
Bringing me ice cream | 100 – 1 billion | Depends on the kind of ice cream and my mood at the time |
Singing “Walk Like a Man” a cappella | 10 – 1 million | Depends on enthusiasm Off-key renditions generally score more points |
Reading Jane Austen Novels | 63.89 per book | Must have a favorite and be able to discuss character idiosyncrasies Must show disdain for Willoughby |
Not correcting my grammar when I am speaking to you | 0 | You just shouldn’t do it |
Recognizing that language is an ever changing, living entity | One thousand | Must listen to my rant Must dislike having grammar corrected for same reasons as me |
Playing Boggle, Bananagrams, or other word games (NOT Scrabble) with me | 3 per game | Must not make up words and insist they exist |
Being awesome | 369 | As defined by me at any particular moment |
Liking Cats | Varies | How much do you like cats? Which cats do you like? Are you a crazy cat lady? |
Remembering to keep peanuts away from me | 198,001,324 | Keeps me alive |
Appreciating the “Wehrenberg Theater” opening sequence | 59 ½ | Must giggle out loud when the whispering part starts |
Accepting me for me | A lot | Seriously, I’m weird, so if you can take me as I am and still like me, you get “a lot” of points |
After learning how difficult it is to get points from me, the gentleman mentioned above decided he wants to keep his points. Good thing, too, because retracting points is a lot of tedious paperwork, and while I am getting good at completing pages and pages of boring paperwork at my place of employment, I would rather not do it at home.
*Don't forget to take this quiz and then vote on the poll this weekend! Last chance!*
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