Friday, June 24, 2011

More on Boogers (And How Boogers Pertain to "Wait Time")

In classes concerning education, they talk a lot about "wait time". "Wait time" is the magic amount of time between asking a question and actually calling on a student. This gives all students an opportunity to form their own answer or at least begin thinking of a solution or answer.

"Wait time" is precarious though. If the time is too short, you are basically telling most of the kids in the class that you don't give a rat's ass if they know the answer because someone else can give it before them. This will lead them to develop a very low self esteem, give up on school, and probably end up in prison and/or knocked up by the time they are fifteen. This will be your fault for not giving them enough wait time, making you a horrible person. Only horrible people don't give students enough wait time.

If you err on the other side, however, and give too much wait time, just as much, if not more damage can be done. While giving too little wait time on any particular answer can ruin the lives of half the students in your class, the effects of a drawn out wait time can sometime be infinitely more disastrous. Say you give students the amazingly generous amount of 5 seconds between asking the question and actually calling on them. In that time, the students that only need 1 - 2.5 seconds to form a reasonable answer or to give up entirely are wreaking havoc on the classroom. This may include (but certainly is not limited to) scribbling on desk tops, throwing paper at each other, shooting spitballs, setting small fires inside their desks, beating up the kid next to them, writing profanities on the wall in permanent marker, dealing or doing drugs, facebooking, or even passing notes! As you can see, chaos can easily ensue should too much wait time be given.

They say you should count to three - SLOWLY - count "One Mississippi (breath), Two Mississippi, (breath) Three Mississippi, (breath)" if you must - before calling verbally or otherwise on a student. Still, counting is tricky sometimes.

Some student will always throw their hand up in the air, oohing and grunting, dislocating their own arm from their shoulder socket immediately after a question has been asked - sometimes even before - convinced that if they are not the first to answer this question, they may just die. Being called on first is a matter of life and death for these students. You must ignore them, however, even though, in my experiences as a child, I remember these students often had the right answers.

Whenever a teacher called on these students the instant their hand went up and they smugly delivered the correct answer in an almost breathless tone (it was a near death experience for them, after all), it was a devastating blow to my academic ego! These students who did not need wait time were the ones I envied when I myself was a student. Still , even if you know they have the right answer- you must ignore them and wait the designated wait time amount of Three Mississippis, otherwise one of the above scenarios could happen. Whether a child's self esteem is ruined forever or the school has to be evacuated due to a small, contained desk fire, it will still be your fault for your lousy judgement of appropriate wait time, and that would suck. No one wants that on their conscience.

I have a confession to make. Are you ready? It is a big one!

I am one of those people who benefits from wait time.

Alright. I need it. I need wait time to be a productive member of any trivia team and possibly even to be a productive member of society.

The last day of school for the students, the staff had a meeting/party in the media center. The Book Babes (lovely ladies that work in the media center) put on a wonderful trivia game where they asked a question and whoever jumped up and yelled out the correct answer first won an amazing prize.

Now, I know a lot of useless facts. I know more useless facts than useful facts. Proportionately, it is a little bit worrisome. Honestly, how I function so well with the information I carry around in my head is truly amazing. Unfortunately, I cannot recall these facts - useful or otherwise - and vocalize them quickly. So while my peers and colleagues were popping up all over the place hollering out answers that I knew, accumulating piles of prizes in front of them, I sat in my chair, watching silently. Towards the end of the game, I looked enviously around at everyone else's prizes. It seemed like everyone else had a pile of really cool stuff - such as Clorox disinfectant wipes, chocolate bars, posters of bald eagles, 100 packs of pencils, and pens shaped like dolphins - and I had nothing.

Soon it became clear that the Book Babes were not even giving prizes to only those with the right answers! They were just handing out prizes sometimes to the person who jumped up and said anything first, sometimes to the person who said the funniest thing, and only sometimes to the first person with the correct answer. I considered jumping up and just yelling stuff out, like some others were doing, but as I mentioned in my post yesterday, I am already extremely lucky to not have yelled "BOOGERS!" in a meeting so far, and I really would like to keep it that way as long as possible.

Seriously, I was worried that I would jump up, all ready to say something random just to get a prize, then instead panic and yell, "BOOGERS!" I imagined the horrified looks on my colleagues faces as a stunned and disgusted silence fell across the media center. Then a judging whisper would sweep from one side of the room to the other, all eyes on me. I would be forced to slink under the table and hide there for the rest of the day. That would have been awful since I had a lot of work to do that day.

I sat there for a while, concentrating really hard, trying to come up with an acceptable word to choose, focus on, and yell out. It had to be socially appropriate, a little bit quirky, and it had to work with virtually any sort of question. I had to be able to scream this word after being asked "What do you call a group of kangeroos?" as well as "What is the queen of England's favorite color?" or "What is the maximum capacity of the Taj Mahal?" without losing the hard earned respect of my colleagues. They already thought I was quirky (nice for "weird") and unique (nice for "weird"), so I just had to choose a word and make it sound like I had come up with it on the spot. Orange? 7,231? The Oval Office? What would work?

Eventually, a colleague looked over and noticed I had no prizes in front of me. She asked why I didn't jump up. I responded, a bit embarrassed, that I am one of those people that needs that precious wait time. She looked at me funny, then wrinkled her nose and said, "Why don't you just jump up and yell 'boogers' after the next question?"

I was stunned! Had she read my mind? Did she know my secret fear and was now taunting me with it? HOW MANY PEOPLE I WORK WITH KNOW WHAT A STRUGGLE IT IS FOR ME TO KEEP FROM YELLING "BOOGERS" IN PROFESSIONAL SITUATIONS? I panicked. This was mightily embarrassing.

Then I realized she knew nothing of my inner conflict. She was just trying to be funny and help me win a prize. I sighed and laughed, although a bit belatedly. That hesitation may have given her a hint to my issue, but perhaps not. Probably not, right?

Eventually I won a picture frame for knowing that the Statue of Liberty was a gift to the United States from France. I jumped up and shouted "FRANCE!" a little too loudly and a little over-enthusiastically, but I got a picture frame! And I got to jump up just like the people around me, helping me rebuild a little bit of that growing feeling of stupidity and low self esteem.

The moral of the story is:

Wait time is exceedingly important, and without it, our nation would fall into a chaotic mess with a rebellion run by children with very low self esteem.

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